*the love and grace of God in my life..*

Monday, March 31, 2008

it's the end of march, signalling the beginning of the new academic year in 7 day's time
no doubt i'm a little excited because i'm facilitating a new module and year 2s this time round (never done that before; the last time was either year 1s or year 3s) but i'm also a little "bu she de".
the new batch of freshie students are always very fun! and most of my closer colleagues are all doing year 1 modules so I won't be able to discuss with them much anymore and our break time will differ by 1/2 hour.. boohoo!

service yesterday was.. erhmm, how should i put it..?
a sign for more to come?
it was a powerful message, a gentle reminder of the importance of the ministry of God's Word and His fellowship
at the end of the service, i didn't go around talking to people which i usually do. i just wanted to sit there and be still; arlene felt the same too. in fact, all 4 of us (arlene, jin hang, adrian and me) did just that and after a short while, we decided to pray for michelle, and then it was celine and jiajun, and soon it was praying for the cell and church.
after the session, the one thing that was on our mind was that, we should do this more often!

it's really good to know that all of us really want to make a difference in the cell and together, we believe that the cell has so much potential; each one of us has so much that we can offer to God, if only we're willing.

this morning before going for service, i went to the atm and withdrew the sum of money which i had promise that I'll tithe this month
it was so difficult to do so because it's not a small amount (i got my bonus this month) and i felt so lousy because i struggle with the same issue every month!
i'm not worried that i won't have enough to spend or for my wedding expenses but rather, i find it difficult to part with a sum of money which (when accumulated over the months) can buy many things that i need for wedding.
in conclusion, i just felt so lousy about my inability to tithe with a joyful heart, though of course, i'm not upset.. it's just.. i think you know what i mean.

but you know what?
just a minute after that, God put a song in my heart
"God will make a way, where there seems to be no way. He works in ways we cannot see, He will make a way for me..."
and i was overjoyed for two reasons!
- it has been quite a while since God put songs in my heart to speak to me regarding my circumstances
- i know He hears and sees my struggles.

in church, God prepared my heart for the offering by having this as the worship song:
"In Christ alone, I place my trust.."

it's really amazing how patient God is with me!
back in january, it was identical and God prepared my heart using songs before the offering as well!

ahh. my God is a God who hears my cries, who understands my thoughts, who holds me through my struggles, and who delivers me!

//posted by ivy @ 00:20//

Friday, March 28, 2008

rushing out the final materials for DE01 and because mine is the first problem, they are putting a lot of emphasis to the materials since the module has been stopped for 2 years and this year, they are doing something totally different from the past.

in the midst of completing the dreaded problem, i decided to give myself a break in the evening by doing the following:
- setting up a wedding website. haha.
- arranging for another gown fitting.

like i said earlier in my post, i'm doubting my choice about the evening gown i chose
so i called up and requested for some change.. only to find out the gowns are at workshop already. why are they so efficient?
anyway, i managed to negotiate another gown for my photoshoot, so my actual day wedding gown will not be used for my photoshoot. as for evening gown.. let's see how it goes. if the selection is available, i might choose another evening gown for photoshoot too.
it feels good to know that my actual day wear will be the one and only time i wear them.

requested for rental of bridesmaid dresses as well, shall see if they will give me a lower rate at a later time, and also to view their selection first.

//posted by ivy @ 20:03//

Thursday, March 27, 2008

managed to meet fiance for dinner today; i had a great time eating at ichiban, ate so much for dinner.. yumz!
headed for ice-cream at macs after that, been a long time since i had hot fudge sundae.

quite a lot to finish up at work tmr.
it's finally friday.. this week seems so long!
i'm going to see the cutie GB girls on sat.. let's see..
i miss belinda and deborah! =)

and before i end, let me show you my dream wedding place!

presenting the beautiful and glorious SAC sanctuary!

//posted by ivy @ 23:14//

Monday, March 24, 2008

i've so much work on hand; i think i'm going crazy
i requested to drop some in the afternoon but no confirmation yet. well, my stand is clear. if it has reached a point where i have to voice out that i can't cope, then it means that i can't.
in my 2.5 years here, this is probably the first time i voiced it out.

i'm highly suspicious of my colleague's intent of wanting to meet a few of us for lunch tmr
if i know him well enough, he wants to announce that he's leaving
if i'm right, i'll be really upset.
after all, he has been someone who is with me in my entire duration here and as naggy as he can get, i like him very much as my colleague, friend and bro-in-christ.

the new term is beginning in 2 weeks' time, and i'm not ready for it. i've stuff outstanding which needs to be done
it's also a habit of mine - to clear my workstation and get ready for the new sem a few days before that. i hope i've the time this year to do so, anytime before 6 apr.

my gown-fitting on sat went well; i think i tried about 20 gowns in 2 hours.
i'm very satisfied with my actual day wedding gown, but the more i think about my evening gown, the more i doubt my choice.
maybe it's because it was the last piece i tried and i was really tired by then. as compared to my wedding gown which i think i tried the piece about 3 times before making my decision, the evening gown wasn't one which i put so much effort into it.
and so, i've decided to call them tmr, and put on hold the evening gown till i'm down again to try and see if i really want that piece.
i feel like heading down to the branch in bugis and see if there's any that i might like, instead of choosing all from the main branch.
will work out the schedule soon, maybe just with the girls since my fiance is a busy man these couple of weeks.

collecting the house keys on 4th apr; quite excited about it.
at the same time, it means finances have to be looked into and ensure that the combined bank account is set-up soon, for the deduction of bills etc.

marriage preparation course starting on 3rd apr; looking forward to it too!
i'm sure i'll learn a lot from the sharing; though i'll be alone for lesson 3 because fiance is on mission trip. cindy and reginald should be going for the course too, so maybe i won't be alone after all.

i have stopped reading "the fear of God" for quite some time, time to get back on it.
it's a fantastic book.
i want to do something for the cell, but i don't know what i can do. i want to see us being closer and grow together! =)

i cried last sat for a short few seconds when eric and mao were telling me about NAVE being unusable
it was a frustrated feeling; not knowing whether it's confirmed, not knowing whether there would be a service, not knowing anything and yet, not being able to ask anyone on what might be going on.
venue is probably the determining factor of many things - my decor, my gown design, my invites etc.. and i can't believe that till now, venue and time is not confirmed. it's just a bottled up feeling of arghhhhhhh!
everyone could only say "not sure", "i don't know", "no idea".. and so how? what do you expect me to do with those answers? they aren't helping me in making decisions too.
that was how frustrated i felt.

i've so much random ramblings today.
i have not read my bible today yet, but i'm sleepy.
but i'll read.

//posted by ivy @ 23:57//

Saturday, March 22, 2008

20th mar
- deferment of ROM cert has been approved till 15 jan 2009; our grant still remains and we can collect our keys soon. so exciting!
- zhong's grandma passed away in the morning. quite sudden considering she was still at the reunion dinner during CNY and happily chatting away. though sad, but still glad that she has accepted Christ years back.. she must be enjoying her time in heaven right now. =)

today..finally the gown fitting day!
actually postponed it but since his dad said it's fine, we're going ahead.
i guess it's the different in mindset regarding funerals.
i remembered when my grandma passed away, the atmosphere was so intense. i couldn't even joke around with my cousins when we were just sitting there stoning through the night.

//posted by ivy @ 13:08//

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

it's tues and i'm stuck in course for today and tmr.
thurs morning is my problem vetting and im quite dead because i have not done anything as of now
how to do so when i don't even have a single minute at my desk? gosh.. this holiday is not a break at all!

also packed with dinner appts this week
meeting my "mummy" tonight before she flies off to HK
meeting some cell girls for dinner on wed
meeting a sec sch friend for dinner on thurs..
and cell picnic on fri morning
what a packed week. won't have time at night to do my stuff too.
refused to cancel away my appointments though i've so much to do because i'm so determined to have a break from work.

appraisal result was out last friday
didn't do very well in 2007 as compared to 2006, but i'm aware of it already
this is something that i was prepared for because i know that i put less focus into my work last year and as a result, i had more free time for myself.
it's a trade-off i guess. work like siao and hope to get a good result with no life, or have a balanced work-life because work is never ending.

//posted by ivy @ 11:22//

Saturday, March 15, 2008

collected our wedding bands on thursday and it was earlier than the scheduled date again; no complaints about that aspect though.
it fits me perfectly, better than my engagement ring and i'm so excited to wear it.. but i got to wait.
in the meanwhile, i'm satisfied with what is sitting on my finger now. =)

meeting the florist at SAC in the afternoon this sat before heading over to adelphi for my gown fitting
candice, arlene and celine (if she's well enough to walk) will be with me too; so excited!
ahhhh.. i can't wait!

in order for all that to happen, i've to survive my work this week first
i've yet to craft my problem which is due erhmm.. sunday night?
yet to settle some IG stuff..which is due mon morning? argh.
yucks.

//posted by ivy @ 23:00//

Monday, March 10, 2008

i'm so thankful for celine and my boyfriend over the weekend
knowing what happened to my mum and how upset i was, celine was there for me on friday night all the way till sat evening.. and just when i was about to fall asleep while waiting for dear to call me, he appeared at my doorstep!
he came over to pray with me and i spent 3/4 of the time in tears but it was good to know that he is around. =)

didn't go service on sunday; was running a little flu and fever in the morning but by noon, it was ok after the panadol
dear came over, and uncle melvin dropped by to take a look at my mum too
ended off with uncle melvin praying for her and initially, i thought she would object but she didn't.
in fact, she still said that she knows uncle melvin wants to pray for her but she doesn't know how to position her hands so she was scared. =)

thankful for the support i've from my colleagues at work and for the group of girlfriends who are always there as well.

//posted by ivy @ 14:26//

Thursday, March 06, 2008

the effect of steroids can be rather scary when they are consumed in the long-term.
because of rheumatoid arthritis, my mum has been consuming them as pain-killers for the past 4-5 years. she grew to be dependent on them to relieve the pain in her joints and they play a big role in her ability to function and move around normally.

for the past one year, the side-effects have been more distinct; she would have sudden instances of being unable to catch her breath, swollen joints and unable to move about, gastric problem that leads to bad digestion and on several occasion, she fainted at home with no inkling of what happened.
with some recommendation from friends, my dad brought her to a chinese physician and he didn't have very good news for us
her health is failing her and it's quite evident in the past 4 months or so.
she consumes lesser and lesser food; finds it hard to catch her breath sometimes; is unable to move around without aid, talks incoherently at times and requires a wheelchair to move a short distance of 5 metres. she stays in bed for almost 20 hrs a day and develops bedsore. in addition, she has a lump at the upper body area and doctor doesn't think it's something good. she's also losing her sense of hearing bit by bit.

the chinese physician told us that her body is weakening and organs are failing as a result of the steroids she consumed.
he also mentions that she won't last very long, and developing bedsores which are inflammatory is not a good sign.

and all these are scaring me.

//posted by ivy @ 14:51//