*the love and grace of God in my life..*

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

it's 29th sept.
dear starts his bmt/land phase/class 2 physical officially today.

it's exactly 15 weeks to his bmt POP (if he's having one).
it's exactly 7 weeks to my HOLS.

he's going to do his best in this phase
and im going to do my best for my projs and exams too!

he has more training to come after his bmt
i have more fyp to do after my exams

balance out pretty nicely.
was half-worried that i wun have enough time for him, but i guess i wun have to worry about that now.
talk abt perfect timing..
he wun be able to book out on fri nights anymore
but i wun be free on fri nights for the next 2 months as well - combined cell.
ah ha. that's nice! wahahaz.

Thank God for bringing him thru ptp, and of cos his ippt.
im pretty proud of his ippt results. hehz hehz.
a whole new phase of training now and im sure he'll do just as well and he'll be fine too.

now that i think abt it, i realised i was with him for the past 5 days he was out and holding a pink i/c!
that's a nice deal before we both plunged in deeper into training and studying respectively.

alright.
the next 49 days are going to be packed and draining for me.
and for a start, i will head to bed now.

//posted by ivy @ 01:03//

Monday, September 27, 2004

woohoo.
though i have to haul my butt to class by 8.30am tmr, i just have to blog down my exciting weekends which made me feel a whole lot better!

sat.
stayed at home and finished up some presentation slides
slacked a while at home.
met dear to watch 'dodgeballs' in the evening, pretty crappy show but of cos, made me laugh quite a lot.

sun.
sat at the back for service today.
hehz, feels weird to be in front of the big console which i know nuts about.
thought my day was going to be so-so till i mentioned something like zhong din have to book in tonight and ta-ta!
celine then reminded us of the cooking session we wanted to have since ages ago!
so at an amazing rate, she dragged me to ask jinhang and his jap frens, then we asked zhong, si'er and sabz.
not all can make it..
anyway, we just went shopping first.
confirmed that jinhang and his frens were coming, zhong staying and wanling coming too..
then we went to buy lotsa stuffs and started our cooking session at peixuan's place.

her place is..hmmm
big, spacious but.. she doesn't know what she has in her kitchen!!
haha. so we had to make do with whatever we bought and whatever we could find
anyway, we proceeded to chop potatoes, carrots, chicken, luncheon meat
boiled soup, cooked curry, fried chicken, prata etc
and after like 3 long hours in the kitchen, the nice nice food appeared before our eyes, but of cos not without jokes in the kitchen! =)

started dinner at 8pm till ard 10pm
i guess we prepared pretty well
not much leftovers except a few mouthful of salads and hmmm, some scoops of melted ice-cream! =/
keke.
din really know how to describe tonight's session
but i really had fun!
and those two gals had fun too! hehez.

and lessons learnt are:
- celine is super generous with PEPPER!
- celine thinks OIL is free and so soaks our pratas in it!
- ivy throws POTATO out of the window but not always accurate!
- peixuan is a first class FOOD TASTER!

time to time-out.
i miss zzzzz-monster.

//posted by ivy @ 01:18//

Friday, September 24, 2004

it was a super long fri that i juz had
finished up sm game in the morning, pol econs tut, tuition with clara
juz had dinner and im supposed to finish up my t&d slides in an hour since i told zhong i'll need juz an hour.
yep, he's out.. for a long weekend

while almost everyone around me had finished at least one major presentation, be it sm company analysis or t&d case study or pol econs..
poor ivy hasn't even done any.
this sem, my grp seems to be allocated the slots in oct period which is when everything is due at that time.

next thurs is my first presentation
t&d case study..
and after which, no more till the 4 major presentations and reports back-to-back!
how nice..
thurs, fri, mon, tues.
the only break i have is weekends! and i dun actually see it as a break, how abt that?

im really gonna be so packed from like next week onwards.
but somehow there are people who doubt it
i give up. so be it.
you juz wun see me around.
and my reason?
you've juz read it.

no more blogging for this week.
my hands are tied with.. projs.
how dumb.

//posted by ivy @ 19:13//

Thursday, September 23, 2004

wed.
i had fyp meeting early in the morning and so i wasn't thinking much till the later part of the day
spent around 2 hrs plus preparing some presentation slides before meeting arlene for dinner, and then to cell.
cell was.. .. not like the usual
attendance that day shocked me quite a lot and i guessed that caused my confidence to waver a little
thought things were going okie till certain parts.

one of the many many cell sessions which i felt i short-changed people's time in coming down.
and of cos, i felt i have wasted my time in preparing and facilitating.
someone else should do the job.

-----------------------------

thurs.
had proj discussion early in the morning as well.
my whole group was quite reluctant in going for seminar cos there was a guest speaker and we never liked such speakers.
but of cos, the obedient side of us won and we sat in class for 4 hrs, exception of jiasian and di who left 3/4 way thru.

discussed sm game with danwen till ard 6 plus
yen pin came to find us and we headed to cant 3 for dinner
a short time of catching up before i headed home.

had a little gift from someone
those big-beaded bracelet.

and i wanted to finish up my slides for presentation next week
but somehow, blogger page came on and i juz had to blog.

schedule for tmr pretty boring
meeting early tmr morning again to finish up sm game.
slacker ailing better appear before i storm up her room and box her
after which is pol econs tutorial, then tuition with clara.

dear hasn't been able to call back this entire week and it feels arrgggh..
horrible not been able to hear his voice and knowing that he's fine.
almost 6 weeks soon.
and in that short span of 6 weeks, there were two weeks i felt totally lost, as though groping my way out of a dark tunnel with no help but unseen rocks with sharp edges along the way.
and i know i can't share that much with him and burden him more
which was why i buried myself in tears into his arms almost every sat
and he was always so patient to soothe me down, and with his warm embrace, tried to make me feel better

tears. of. tiredness. and. desperation.
flows

//posted by ivy @ 21:07//

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

sch work is driving me half insane
post-its are all over my organiser and table, reminding me of deadlines and proj presentations, reports and more presentations and reports
and guess what i did today?

i had dinner with danwen (one of my classmate since yr 1)
finished at 7.30pm, supposedly had to head down for tuition cos she is having her prelims tmr
but i cancelled it in the end, asked her to study herself
partly cos i knew she could do it, she is juz kiasu
and stayed in canteen a and had a long chat with danwen till 10.30pm or so
and we talked about everything..
NS, sispec, ndu, kan chiong spider, ex-sports club slacker, sajc days, exams, projs..
gosh.. i lost track what else did we talk about.
and at the end of it, it felt really good
though we have projs to rush but we stayed there for a nice 3 hrs talking away
de-stress? i dunno. but i feel so much more relaxed after the talk

although now, i have to rush fyp readings, powerpt slides, cell tmr, resume for networking nights etc etc
things are never-ending, and we can be busy all day long
but if there is anything i cherish out of today's long chat, it would be the increased need to talk, instead of keeping the stress within ourselves.
it's funny how we could talk for so long..
and it's funnier when i think of who else in church could i relate such things to.
cos i couldn't think of anyone
juz when i needed someone most, God provided him
my non-christian classmate!
wah.. that wasn't what i thought i'll get.

when we were chatting, i felt i could be so open to him
though we are only frens in school
it's juz so different from when i share with anyone in church or cell
the feeling is so different. im not expected to stay strong, fulfill obligations/duties/responsibilities etc
other than zhong, he's prob the next guy who knows how i feel and what im going thru
next is prob my fyp mate who msged me and said he would be there if i needed anyone to talk to.

it's so true
the higher up you are in leadership, the lonelier you are.
why must it be the case?
i dun bother to think.. but in any case, it's juz been proven.

it's late
i shld hit the bed cos i need to be up at 7am tmr.

it's a hard week.
i teared like mad last night as i struggled so badly with certain decisions
not that i have made up my mind, but im quite prepared to dial a certain number to a certain someone oredi.
why is the road ahead so fuzzy?
do i lack in faith or is it a sign for me to let go?
it's heavy.
ouch.

//posted by ivy @ 23:52//

Monday, September 20, 2004

i wonder how much leong (zhong's younger bro) actually cared for his own elder brother.
seeing the comments in his blog makes me wanna kick his butt!
and i bet he doesn't know zhong and i managed to find out his blog url..haha.
what the heck..
im sure my darling is gonna come out a fitter and better disciplined guy than him.
hmm, understatement.
cos zhong is already more disciplined than him now! wahahaz

tiring mon
but still gotta read thru my case for tmr's tut
wed's fyp has loads of readings to be read as well
and upcoming pol econs and sm thingy.
argh
driving me mad... mad... MAD

//posted by ivy @ 18:49//

Sunday, September 19, 2004

over the recess week and my weekends, i conclude that...:
- the movie 'terminal' is superb! thumbs up
- lders' meeting is long, induces sleep but good. oh, how contradicting
- sending dear off to camp is the most depressing part of the weekend
- darling is the sweetest guy on earth, never fails to make me smile
- dear's arms is nice to fall asleep in

the recess has officially come to an end
and i can officially announce that i have not accomplished anything
how nice.
except for journal critique cos it's graded

tmr is the start of week 9 in school
oh, how terrible
dreadful!

as usual, the only thing that probably makes my week go faster is dear's call on fri, an indication of booking out.
not intending to blog much.

have a nice week ahead. =)

//posted by ivy @ 21:58//

Thursday, September 16, 2004

i have not blogged for a couple of days
mon and tues were unable to log on at all cos of the incompatibility of service pack 2 and my pirated xp. haha.
mich's fren came to repair my windows yday, so things are okie now.

time-out
dear calling...

okie, im back after 5:44 mins on the phone with dear.
think he's a little disappointed cos he din manage to clear his ippt today
but out of 9 of them, only one managed to clear and disrupt
yeah, was a little disappointed too but on the other hand, im so happy for him cos he improved so much..
he failed by one pathetic chin-up! haha. but it's okie.

proud of his 2.4km run!
he din manage to join the batch for running since last wed cos of his knee but his timing today was actually 1:30 mins faster than his last try which was like 2 weeks plus ago. =)

having proj meeting at 10am, novena tmr
then tuition, and meeting dear for dinner!
i miss dear sooooooooooo muchhhhhhhhhhhh.. (oh no, caught tina's virus!)

needa settle down, be a good girl and do my journal critique now
it's due on sun, but im hoping to submit by sat
so that i can have a stress-free weekend!

//posted by ivy @ 19:47//

Sunday, September 12, 2004

it's recess week!
but it's a packed week.
mon - tuition, sm discussion
tues - pol econs discussion
wed - my appt
thurs - company interview
fri - tnd discussion
sat - leaders' meeting

see? it's not recess at all.
how am i supposed to catch up on my readings and such when there's proj meeting everyday?
hmph.

and again, im waiting patiently for my phone to ring on fri
dear booked in at 9pm, as usual
but this time, only 9 of them! haha.
the rest disrupted.
hopefully his knee cap gets better tmr, then he can change his status to resume training, and take his ippt on fri
den he can disrupt! wahaha.. but not for very long

i think he's getting broader but he doesn't believe me
hmmm.
anyway, i decided not to blog so much..
cos dear always has to read the same thing on my blog and in my letters to him.
so i shan't blog so much.
time to go rest before i turn whiny
and i think i was when i was asked to play drums this afternoon.
but.. my whine din work on dear.
boo

have a blessed week ahead.
and a fruitful one!

//posted by ivy @ 23:21//

Friday, September 10, 2004

ring~ ring~
'private number calling' flashed on the screen..
and immediately, my heart skipped a beat, cos i know it's my dearie!

what an unexpected call! =)
there i was half wishing that he would be able to call me tonight instead of tmr, and my phone juz rang!

i really love surprises.. totally made my day!
currently waiting for danwen now, so that we can do our sm game
darling meeting me for dinner!!
and it is getting me all excited even now!

the impact of being able to see dear after one long week..
is driving me all crazy.
do i sound like a crazy sec 2 gal who is waiting to see 5566 or something? haha.

//posted by ivy @ 15:44//

Thursday, September 09, 2004

it's unusual to be at home on a thurs night since there's supposedly leaders' training every week.
forgot why there isn't this week but well, it's okie. haha.

the week is ending real fast, and after tmr's lessons, it's officially my one week break.
for those in uni, you know it's more of a killer week than a recess break.
for now, i need to be out doin proj on tues and fri, both in city hall area
wed is appt day with nsc, and accompanying my mum for some medical thingy
where got time to catch up readings?
and not to forget, fyp and journal critique for the vampire-slayer
yucks.

tmr is a long day
tuition in the morn, tut in the afternoon
and sm game all the way till night
and well, no ailing again! *mutters slacker under my breath*

if dear clears ippt, shld be booking out tmr night
if not, then likely sat afternoon.
either way, i wun have time to see him till sat evening. how sad.

shld go make a list of the things to do in the one week now
before i lose my focus and come online for..nothing.

//posted by ivy @ 19:17//

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

im stoning now, for the fact that i dun have lessons tmr but i do have fyp meeting.

anyway, was 15 mins late for political econs lect today.
went in with a throbbing headache and nearly rolled down the long flight of stairs
shuzhen happened to have panadol (extra strong), so i took one and waited patiently for the med to take effect while trying so super hard to take in whatever the lect'r was talking
gave up 1/2-way and so my notes are blank while i fell half-asleep beside shuzhen
i must have irritated her cos i kept shifting ard, uncomfy man.

dragged my way to the tut room and it was so cold i got out the moment i dumped my bag
saw elisha, my jc OGL, on the way to buy drinks.. (liting/mich - yeah, that guy who pestered me the other day)
stopped me and asked me go for blood donation drive and i told him, im half-dead, still want my blood?
and immediately regretted what i said.
the next moment, i had a palm over my forehead checking if i have fever
and another on my shoulder trying to make sure i dun fall flat on my nose
i had to say "im okie.. hmmm, i need to go washroom.." and struggled out of his grip. that obviously was a lie but i will do anything to have his hands off me!
argh.. shuzhen even thought he was my bf till jiasian told her my bf is currently being a servant to the nation.

rather stoned during the presentation, but i din fall asleep
did something mean. i sat with joanne's grp today, instead of my usual
so liting and danwen has to face the slacker ailing for discussion!
keke.
headache was partially gone by the time tut is over.
had a long, long chat with danwen after class and eventually decided to have dinner together.
saw ailing right after dinner..thankfully not before cos she'll spoil my appetite

i think im heading to bed.
nitez

//posted by ivy @ 20:39//

Monday, September 06, 2004

mon's lessons are over, and i am never too glad for that!
currently in 'inspirational lab' again, but this time with liting.
joanne, we'll remb to ask you next time! *promise.* hehz.

checked out our sm game result, the one which tortured danwen and me for half of sat.
we did okie.. but our inventories have huge stocks! wahahaz
gotta have better strategies this quarter.

oh yeah, im supposed to elaborate on my sun.
hmmm, service was okie, but i was disturbed by the two girls beside me who took away all the blue and orange pens they could find in my pencil-case (sounds weird eh. i sound like a primary one girl when i say pencil-case)
kept the drums during lunch.
youth was alright too.
janice made us burst into enthusiasm as we competed (guys vs gals) for the first praise song
sabz attempted to awe us with her rope trick, and her emphasis on '3'.
and soon, dear and i left after helping to pack up.

went around with dear to buy things he needed
then we went on to folding his no. 4 sleeves, pants, tee-shirts, bedsheets etc
and soon, his ali-baba bag was bursting with loads to carry in, and some for his senior, vince
his mum prepared dinner for us.
ate with his mum, him and lele. and it's the first time the entire dinner conversation was dominated by juz his mum and me
his mum drove him over to sembawang camp after that, and we were quite scared we'll be late cos his mum din really know the way
but of cos, things went well
reached at 8.30pm, and his batch boys were still waiting at the entrance
dear must have felt like a big shot, with his mum driving him straight to the camp, and having no need to lug his biggy bag.

his mum drove me back after that
thank God it's night-time, or she would have seen how red my face became when she started talking about pre-marriage seminars and how impt/useful they are!
yeah, you heard it right!
she was telling me, these seminars are very useful, dear and i must go next time
and then she started asking me where is the next place dear and i are heading since we went bintan the last time round oredi.
*gulps.
i dunno man!
im not so far-sighted.. keke.

met huiling and her hubby after that, ard 9 plus at jp
chatted till 11, before we were too tired to go on and decided home sweet home was the next best thing to do.
slept pretty late, woke up this morn but din really feel the monday blues.

and even now, im still thinking of what si'er told me last night.
i think im selfish, still.
but tell me, who won't?
anyway, things are not confirmed yet, so here goes my fav phrase of this month -- shall see how

and now.. i shld be a discipline gal
log-off and read my sm case for tmr.
yep.. shall do juz that.
ta-ta

//posted by ivy @ 16:56//

dearie is back in camp
at 9pm juz now.

i had an extremely long day which ended at 11pm
blog more tmr.
i need to hit my bed now so that i can wake up in time for morning class tmr
and im staying back in school to study tmr with liting. =)

good night.

//posted by ivy @ 00:29//

Friday, September 03, 2004

lessons for week 6 have ended,
well, not exactly if you consider the sm game which danwen and i are doing tmr morn, w/o ailing!

and im in my inspirational lab again!
wahaha. im in a quiet cubicle, huge space to myself
and after blogging, i shall read my costing case analysis, and then be back to check out the sm game before tmr morning's meeting with danwen.

im hungry, feel like smuggling food in.
but the smell would be very strong, considering im tempted to eat the cheesy mushroom from coffee club express juz a few steps away.
hmmm?

is my darling coming out?

ivy to hp: hey you pretty little thing, you shld start ringing you know?
come on, RING!

im still sane thou.

updated one hr later..
im done with my case study readings and even went to play ard with the sm game.
and of cos, i succumbed to the cheesy mushroom, went out, bought one and boldly brought it in and munch!
the guy beside me kept looking at me..
la-la. i dun care. a rebellious girl when it comes to food!
think i shld be going home soon. i din bring much things out to do.
bleahz. im still hungry..

//posted by ivy @ 16:02//

Thursday, September 02, 2004

sometimes, you have to look beyond yourself before you pass a remark, especially a remark which can backfire.
you have never been in my shoes, and will never be. so quit trying to say you have been thru it and understand how i feel.
even worse, don't challenge me on things you are not sure if i have done it or not.
im pretty sick of the fact that im someone who is expected to give.
hello. open your eyes and look beyond yourself.
have you given?
i have.
i know im not doing enough, but the least you can do is to help me out, and not add oil to the fire.
i dun seek to please you, and im glad im aware of this fact.
give me space to breathe and if you dun realise, you haven even asked me how i am.
expectation kills.

//posted by ivy @ 22:23//

i'm currently in my "inspirational lab", trying to read the case study for costing, while waiting for 5.50pm, so that i can walk over to cant A to meet arlene.
lessons today been pretty draggy, as always.
had some snacks in class, so i was kept awake.

fast fast
tmr is fri, last lesson of the week.
but i still have to worry abt sm game, cos ailing simply avoids danwen and me.
free-rider. she's gonna get it at the report part, but then again, i dun trust her to do the report!
mayb i shld juz email Doctor Lee and lodge a complaint. hmm?

for the tama-craze gang,
baby botak has gone to heaven.
baby nemo is now the third generation, and nemo is a girl!
finally, i have a baby girl~
hehz. =)

i shld stop blogging now right?
alright. *poooofs!

//posted by ivy @ 17:20//

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

a lazy wed.
the weekly fyp meeting is cancelled today cos one of us has make-up lessons, so here i am at home, sitting in front of the comp but not knowing why.
behind me is my T&D textbook, awaiting to be read.

im still deciding if i wanna meet jun hoong and reg tonight.
but it's likely that i'll still meet them up. the inertia of moving myself out of the house is easily overcome by the temptation of my fav 'ban zhi ji' in clementi!

it's wed.
three more days to sat.
wheeee~~
*prays hard. super super hard*

shall set a target. i must finish..
- reading T&D chpt 7, for tmr's seminar
- start on Costing chpt 5-7, for next mon's seminar

side-track a little.
the letter to my darling is currently 3 pages long..
whoa.. i take it out and write whenever i have somethin to tell him.
so it's filled with different ink, diff writing cos i write everywhere, on the bus, in class, on my bed..

okie dokie.
im currently filled with enthusiasm to read my text! (can't believe i juz said that)
you know why?
cos WEEKENDS is drawing near!!
told you so, my mood is positively corelated with days nearing weekends!

//posted by ivy @ 11:25//