*the love and grace of God in my life..*

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

the last day of the month
many, many things have happened in the short 31 days and i'm glad i've had the strength to go through them all
i'm glad i had the courage to speak out a couple of times, the wisdom to know when to keep my mouth shut and submit to the leadership authority placed in my workplace
i'm thankful for a couple of my colleagues and students as well
such love they've shown in times where i certainly didn't want to go through it alone

thank God for these people, for His strength, courage and wisdom

this week is sporty week
i played badminton and wee bit of basketball on mon
today was another round of bball
crazy thing.
my arms are aching, and so are my thighs.
ouch.
i miss running! =)

//posted by ivy @ 22:52//

Saturday, January 27, 2007

eeks.
im really getting tired of doing grading!
so much more to go.. plus one problem statement. bleah.

had a real short chat with mummy just now
how i wish she is in singapore, because i know then, that i'll likely meet her up and cry my heart out
it's amazing that she actually knows much more than some of my friends who are currently situated in the same sunny island as me
i'm so looking forward to april!

how time flies
i went hong kong with her in apr 2006 as well. =)
i miss her!

//posted by ivy @ 15:53//

"Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

the rate at which things are changing is causing me to take a step back and wonder what has actually happened
the sudden inertia of stopping to recover and regain my composure has caused resistance to things that are happening
i'm pretty disappointed at myself for the way i dealt with certain matters in the course of the week

sigh.
no looking back, i've decided to move on and simply take it as a learning experience
after all, isn't this part and parcel of personal development that i've always been taught when i was back in uni, doing the module "managing change"

a list of things to be completed
by today
the weather is pouring outside

it feels the same
i've so much..to just want to cry, to pour out the tears
but tears won't bring the problems away; neither will it make me feel any better

will you be there for me?

//posted by ivy @ 13:05//

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

it was a long late afternoon/evening yesterday
i called for a SL meeting after school, after my workplan discussion
various agenda in mind but not all were present
12 of them, and i guessed it was a rather open discussion
many of them were genuinely being very honest with their views and shared them with the rest of the team and that was really encouraging to see
overall, i would say that was a meaningful meeting

a lot of things ran through my mind last night
- do i really need to explain each and every single of my action and the learning behind it?
- is self-centeredness the learning objective that i've wanted you to achieve?
- what kind of qualities does a leader portray?
- have you really benefitted from "service-learning"?

//posted by ivy @ 18:32//

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

had a stayover in school last fri night since the kids were attempting to finish the culture documentation video
was going to head back on sat when it started pouring and since i really dislike getting wet and cold outside, i took the chance to pack my little messy cubicle
the end result:
my wastepaper basket became full
my side table is currently cleared
my main table has a lot of desktop space to show-off
my carpet can be seen more visibly..
but im actually not done yet, and i'm already pleased with the outcome

another reason why i love being in rp - the fact that we're paperless!
so cool.. till now, i don't own any ring-file to store documents
the only file i have is a slim one, to contain all my monetary claims, which can be dumped to HR each year as well
what a cultural shock it'll be to head out to work in any office now!

service-learning team held its post-trip sharing today
a huge crowd of 300 students; pretty amazing turnout
15 more mins before i head over to my new boss's office to complete my workplan for 2007
the document currently is rather empty - strange.

blessed birthday twinnie!

//posted by ivy @ 15:39//

Friday, January 19, 2007

driving lesson was fine today
drizzled a little and apart from that, it was trying to concentrate on my turning while my instructor yakked on
he says he's doing it deliberately to train my concentration, hmm?

SL kids are currently in W1 doing up their 1-hour long culture/project video for presentation next tues
i'm trying (very hard) to come up with all the backlogs so that i can conscientiously clear them one by one tonight
sigh.
when have i become someone who has backlogs? horrid!

i gave my training a miss today
like what i've told my colleague before; one thing that can affect me to quite an extent would be not doing well emotionally
honestly, i dunno where is everything heading and i'm pretty frustrated about it as well

there is really no point in not replying to my smses; it certainly doesn't help to solve anything
even if you don't know what to talk to me about, it still doesn't mean you don't reply
you used to say, it takes two hands to clap
yep, it's definitely true; the feeling is mutual
i no longer know what you want, how you feel, how your day went, what's your schedule and the like
perhaps..
just perhaps, i don't even know how you feel towards us anymore

it hurts.

i always feel bad about making my students stay late for meetings, especially during the period when we were pressed for time and preparation was really daunting
i know how the girls feel when their boyfriends are constantly busy; i'm also aware of how some of the girls felt when their boyfriends were unhappy with that fact that they were always busy
to an outsider, it takes a huge amount of understanding for the relationship to work out during that period of time
i chose to stay nonchalent during that period of time, believing that the kids will work it out themselves
but what happens when i face the same situation now?
well.

it's late
i should really get down to getting what i want done

if there's someone else better, would you?

//posted by ivy @ 21:48//

Thursday, January 18, 2007

i've a new toy which is pretty, pretty!
nokia 7373, in pink. =)

it's facilitation certification filming today
nervous.
i'm sure time will pass ever so slowly in class today

on the other hand,
today also marks my presence in rp for 1.5 years.

it's been a tiring journey.

//posted by ivy @ 07:52//

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

i guess it's true when they say that,
the greatest hurt is often inflicted by the closest love

//posted by ivy @ 01:48//

pretty happening weekend
met up with cindy and sharon on thurs to have dinner at sushi tei; spent some time sharing about our week as well
fri wasn't exactly a nice day, and it certainly didn't end off well
was pretty irked out, and i left office early
met up with arlene and sharon to have dinner at sakae sushi
ah yea, two consecutive days of japanese food for dinner, but i dun really get sick of it that easily
decided to catch a midnight show at westmall and we called cedrik down as well
the usual routine - proceed to have bread toast, egg and a drink, before slacking outside the cinema to wait for the show to start
quite a boring show, "one last dance"
hao came over to meet us after the show and we went to have supper around teck whye area
cedrik then drove all of us back to my void deck and slacked in the car till 5am

had a good sleep till reth called on sat afternoon after his open-house shift
and thus, made some conference calls and off we went to bukit batok for basketball
pauline and i both had fun! haha
then it was dinner, and dai-di and vcd time over at randy's place
he's a cold freak; room is so cold that it reminds us of our stay at chiangrai

went ECP in the afternoon to celebrate hao's birthday today
i love the food we had when hao and reth went to dabao for us and how we devoured everything on the bench without a time of stop at all
pretty much a rainy day and thus, most of us were 3/4 drenched by the time we decided to head back
had a simple dinner at bedok and came back

tmr is the last day of open-house before school kicks in again
and my beloved certification filming on thurs
i'm so, NOT prepared for it!
received quite a disturbing piece of news from my new (or maybe not) boss today
pretty much, a crossroad at work
and never would i have expected to face such difficult situation
i guess, giving me a choice may sound the most democratic thing to do, but yet you provide me with such information before asking me to make the decision, how do you expect me to do so?
on the other hand, i should feel a little priviledged
at least, im given a choice
it also means, at least i'm recognised that i can contribute in either portfolios

quite a strange feeling, really
i can never forget how inadequate i felt when i first stepped in the department and my portfolio
i recalled telling the people whom im closer to, that i felt so inferior as compared to all of them, who have their area of specialty and was recognised by the boss (my ex-boss who has since transferred)
not until she was tranferred and someone else took over, i was given more chance to learn and develop and i guess, i did pretty okie
during my appraisal end 2006, my current boss (going to change soon though) told me that among all the 14 people in the portfolio, i scored the highest and i must say, im pretty surprised by that
i knew i would do reasonably well, but not that well!
with the major change in the dept soon (actually, now?), i'm now given a choice as to which portfolio i can go to
wow. i shouldn't complain because if they had insisted their way, and not hearing me out or providing me a reasonable explanation or a choice, i might resign
so yep. it's a long story, and it's not making me any happier every moment i stepped into my beloved school/office lately
i missed those days where i wake up eagerly every morning, wanting to make the full use of my time here, where i truly love my sessions in class and basically, my time with my students and colleagues who really cared.

i've a lot on my mind
and i need to make a decision tmr

//posted by ivy @ 00:08//

Thursday, January 11, 2007

i've a colleague whom i'm rather close to last year for a period of time
whether that closeness was a blessing in disguise or a period of uncertainty, i no longer need to pursue or find out
what's more amazing is that (let's name the person B), B has started going to church this year!

it feels so awesome
because i remembered celine asking me to invite B to church last year when she knew about it, and my response was 'errr, kinda hard lah.'
so the only thing i could do was to pray for B at times (and yea, not so much towards the later half!)
just when we were chatting a few days ago, B mentioned that service was great and it took me a while to realise what B meant
went to B's blog a while ago, and i'm simply feeling happy for B
the reminder for today would be..

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His Glory and Grace.

no doubt i'm still feeling very upset over certain issues
but i'm greatly encouraged by the simple verse above

//posted by ivy @ 16:40//

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

it's only the 6th day of school term today and the amount of crazy admin each day has gotten both the module chairs majorly exhausted
i cannot recall the number of times i was frustrated at the lack of professionalism displayed by the AAs when they called in sick and simply requested the stand-in to take over
neither could i recall how many times certain full-timers rejected to cover class due to overwhelmingly unreasonable excuses
and in addition, i do not want to remember the lack of sleep i've simply to deal with some cases
this is getting out of hand and does my RO even bother?
oh wait, i've actually no idea who my RO is, and what my portfolio is for 2007
in essence, i'm a lost sheep in the dept, so far.

im rather thankful for my SL students these couple of days where their presence do make me a little more smilier, and happier
and just like some of them mentioned before, there's absolutely no tinge of faci-student relationship

(if a tear represents a disappointment, your shoulder would be soaked)
yes, im feeling very emotional yesterday and today and i guess the period over lunch today was probably the worst of it all
didn't exactly make myself feel better when i went to meet some of the nlb-ians for lunch
was very taken aback by what the upcoming AD (acad) uttered though i know he meant no harm
but it was a tense few minutes
as much as im hurt and disappointed, i was honestly trying my best not to say anything back to him and of course, we cleared the air an hour later

it's thursday tmr
i'm covering a class, and meeting cindy and sharon for dinner
blessed day ahead?

//posted by ivy @ 23:47//

Sunday, January 07, 2007

school has resumed but it sure still feels like.. the hols!
spent thurs night having dinner with some of the SL peeps - susu, josh phoon, josh thiang and reth
after which it was coffee/tea time at coffee bean before some of them left and the rest of us ended up at the familiar green table near gareth's place
a long chat into the night though i can hardly figure out what was keeping us occupied for the entire while

fri had a dept meeting
major changes in the dept, not something that i can fully appreciate yet
coupled with the fact that this period of time happens to be performance appraisal period, it certainly didn't quite help to ease the transistion and ensured that staff were happy with the change
rushed off for my SL appreciation ceremony after that, only to leave a while later to talk to a colleague who was feeling absolutely upset over the earlier dept meeting
went back to continue watching LOTR III, which the students borrowed from the library
headed off for dinner after the long 3 hours, and ended up at the playground near the school to chat for a while
we then headed home and around 2am, it was the beginning of the major conferencing session
hung up at near 6am and i slept till 2 plus
just when i thought half the day was gone, there was a crazy idea of heading to west coast park to fly kite and so, off we went
and the conclusion is, i figured that i prefer playing basketball and dai-di, than pedalling
haha!
plus, we met a new friend too
randy, reth's friend
nice, helpful, quiet guy.

it was a long night
and i think, i still lack sleep!

//posted by ivy @ 16:38//

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

for the past few years, ever since my parents are fine with me staying out late, the previous 31st decs have been spent going out for new year's dinner with my cell group, with friends, or watching a midnight movie, talking through the night etc
31st dec 2006 was a different one
despite the heavy adverts for fireworks display over at the marina, i was at my church's first ever watch-night service
and i never regretted not being over at where majoriy of the crowd is, watching the awesome firework display and ushering in the new year

it's amazing how God put different people in my life in the different phases where i had differing needs
it's equally amazing how some people stays on with me throughout the journey so far, and remains so very dear to me
i had a very different expectation as i went for the service last night
somehow, i knew it would be different from the usual sunday services and i was excited to see/expect/hear something
i did.
i felt it, so strongly that i couldn't deny His Presence in the room last night
it was at that moment, when the song 'fires of revival' came on
i knew i could put 2006 behind me, and all the things that had happened, decisions that had been made and the rest
finally.

when we came together to share and count our blessings for the year
i was once again reminded of the very dear people whom i thanked Him for just a minute ago
and there they were, right there around me
the feeling was hard to describe but i knew the peace from within
and for the longest time, i honestly understood the phrase "go in peace, to love and serve the Lord", which pastor always said at the end of the communion

the group of us (reg, cindy, matt, jon, celine) refused to head back and stayed on for a long game of 'bladerdash'
it's hard to explain, but it's kinda a bluffing game which got us pretty much addicted for a short while
when we finally ended the game, we were famished and yep, my first meal of the year, was ironically, at.. macdonalds!
had a filling late supper/early breakfast and headed home to rest.

mon afternoon was spent shopping and admiring the stuff at ikea with cindy
been a long while since i stepped in there
was hungry enough to get ourselves a bite of the hotdog bun while waiting for reg, jon, matt and marcus to come over for dinner
had a real heavy dinner consisting of meatballs set and mushroom soup, 30 mins after i chomped down my hotdog bun and a drink

and almost immediately after that saw the group of us heading to delifrance
ordering a round of drink, just so that we could.. play the game again!
gosh, it sounds almost ridiculous how the few of us seems so addicted to the game
had a chance to take jon's bike as well when he sent me home from marcus' place

what a draining way to end the year '06 and beginning of the year '07 --> by indulging ourselves in a bluffing game!
tmr is the last day of the long weekend - heading to school to clear up some backlogs and get myself ready for the remaining 5 weeks plus of the semester
and in the afternoon, heading out with my students
pure blissful fun!

//posted by ivy @ 00:45//