*the love and grace of God in my life..*

Monday, July 31, 2006

wouldn't deny that the past few weeks have been a turbulence
with people close to me who are leaving, there exists the little yearning to move on as well
looking at the circumstances and the people in leadership, it's hard not to think about what i can actually learn and the areas i can grow in
it's been a struggle to give them my blessings, and at the same time, appear happy
but i do know, it'll be a period of time where i learn to be more independent at work as well

many issues have been surfacing; thoughts have been wandering
unhappy moments and unjustified feelings
but through everything, i've not forgotten the sole purpose for being an academic, for being here in rp

i still want to make an impact in the life of every republican who passes through my path

realigning my focus back on the kids helps a great deal
the joy and the sense of satisfaction is sufficient to convince me to stay a lot longer
i want to extend the area that i can help to develop the students through YEP
i've also found an option of IAS to develop the youths in entrepreneurship, character development, career development and others

a promise that i made to some - i'll stay on till i complete the BOE next mar at least
a decision i'm making to myself - i'll probably stay on for a much longer time

//posted by ivy @ 23:25//

Sunday, July 30, 2006

overall, i thank God for the week that has passed
every single day has been one which made me smile, somehow

sat was spent at home
chatting with colleagues online, checking out blogs and basically not doing much work

went for service today but when i reached, a group of them was sitting outside so joined them and chatted instead
lunch was with reg and arlene
had a long chat
went off to imm with reg for a while, before meeting celine and gang for a show
was supposed to head for dinner at holland village with a colleague but cancelled it last minute
it was then dinner at food court
a simple day but im grateful for the presence and companion of some of them
really appreciate it lots. =)
wouldn't know what would happen or what to do without you guys!

came back to do some work
read thru the RJs of my fri's class and gosh, i'm touched
way beyond words
it never did register to me that all the things i did helped them and made such a difference
well, at least.. i know i've done my part for the class.

hey guys, might not be able to be around on sat for sentosa
having some staff thingy going on at ubin the entire day
but you guys have fun alright?
i promise i'll be there for jiaming's bday bbq though.

things to do before semester ends:
- farewell gift for mummy
- something for my kids
- start developing the module!

alright-y, gotta rush the grading
it's mon again tmr
i can anticipate the boredom in class but at least, there's a bday lunch celebration to look forward to, and yep, updates from wilson about SL

//posted by ivy @ 21:17//

Saturday, July 29, 2006

[thurs]
afternoon girls' outing ended up at tcc (so expected!)
stayed till evening before huimin and liming came
a change in plan cos celine couldn't make it
liming - one of the students i taught once when i took over eunice's class
went to hunt for fashion show stuff before settling down at 'first thai' for dinner

seems as though it was a time of reminiscing
we were talking about familiar facilitators in school, outstanding graduated students etc
i shared the exact same sentiments as them - the homely and family feeling is gone
it hit me especially hard over the dinner

[fri]
lessons with my lovely kids
went with them for breakfast
pretty cool sight - the entire group of 17 of us!
my ex-student saw me and he was so amazed.

problem was a little dry but we got through it nonetheless
then it was a time of madness
went back to pod and barely got ready before we had to head to LT for the formal award presentation and employee number 001's address
graham is a real joker! excellent emcee!

rushed back to pod
our two fashion designers were not around - eunice on MC, shaun on external meeting
but shaun had everything ready for us before he went off
got changed and got hollered down soon after
totally unprepared for what was to come
went on stage nearly dying of embarrassment

i felt for a moment how superstars felt
lights were blinding; big professional cameras were snapping with flashes
not helping when my male model scared the wits out of me as he erupted into tribal shouts when called upon by the emcee
don't ask me how, but we won

there was a sudden surge of people around me who are from my pod
they were being real nice because one went to get lucky draw coupon, one went to get drinks, one went to get food, one was carrying my slipper and towel, one was holding my personal belonging, one was helping to take picture, one was making sure my attire remains etc
so this is the attention you get when you win something uh?
dohz.

didn't get to eat much because by the time the show was over, the food was gone as well
other performances weren't exactly captivating
thus, off we went to snap, snap, snap
final one was a band performance by some members of fly-away, epic and 2 amatuer musicians
rock songs all the way; it was deafening
mummy and ms ang both won something from lucky draw
whee! we can head to swensens once again - this time without me coughing till my face turned blue

off to bukit timah for dinner/supper
took a bus back
long journey but i had much to think about
online till 2am
day ended with a short phonecall
totally unexpected, yet appreciated.

//posted by ivy @ 13:23//

Thursday, July 27, 2006

pirates 2 is a superb show
made me laugh like crazy at certain parts
again, there are lines which are just so cool

"so you want me to do this?"
"no, you want you to do it. by doing it, you find for yourself the capacity to..."

"by my intuitive sense of the female creature.."

woohoo!
at least, i've more than the usual "i'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request" now
haha.

took time-off today
slept till 10 plus
off for lunch, then to bugis to shop for some stuff for tmr's fashion show
afternoon tea with mummy and ms ang
dinner with celine and huimin
hehz.
packed day. but i know i'll enjoy myself

tmr will be lessons with my lovely babies
or rather, ohana made up of brothers, sisters, buddy, twinnie, gurl-friend and IDIOT
4 more lessons.. aww.
after which, the dreaded fashion show
it's concurrent with dinner time, which means i dun get to eat?!
tsk tsk.

am going to take lotsa pics tmr
after 4th anni, likely heading to somewhere to chill out, chat and stuff
exciting!

//posted by ivy @ 12:39//

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

it's been a happy two days for me.

i was clearing up my backlogs yday
oh boy, the sense of satisfaction when they're done is unexplainable!
went home, feeling real relieved that i've nothing (related to work) on my mind
tried to sleep a little earlier than usual, only to realise my body has gotten used to sleeping at 1am plus because i was simply wide awake

UT this morning went well
came back pod, went off for a short breakfast with colleague
back to do grading, no rush today
took my own time to read through their RJs, input my grades and comments
had staff sharing in the afternoon, was doing work with my buddy there anyway
staff sharing.. was boring.
back to office, took my own time in finishing up the grading
it really feels good, not to be rushing through it
published and was going on to my UT marking scheme
when varian surprised me with a choc muffin from cafe downstairs.

he's been a real nice pod mate
he got me freshly baked cookies last week and although i was half-dead from coughing, i ate them anyway (haha!)
today he bought us muffins!
whee! totally made our day!
he's one of those colleagues who helps to make the entire G105 team happier by little acts like these
whenever we stay late in office and if he's still around, he'll blast music for us, knowing that we're almost going crazy with the deadly evening silence
thanks varian! wonderful pod mate and friend! =)

if only
everyone is like him
the pod/office will be a happier place to be in
eh, ok. maybe not
we'll all grow fatter within a month!

the email came
pod models. tata!
no other people from CIE kenna.. except yours truly.
great.
perfect.
do i really have to appear in THAT stuff and catwalk down the stage?
gosh.
what did i do to deserve so much voting in the pod?
i was once anti-E2!!
hush.

anyway, my kids made my day today too!
during the boring staff sharing, they msned to ask if i wanna catch pirates 2 tonight
whee~ i almost leaped out of my seat!
despite some of them watching it before, they are going to accompany me to the show
wow, love them to bits! =)

//posted by ivy @ 16:19//

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

the whole of yday was with either my class or mummy
i had breakfast with her during breakout 1
had lunch with her during breakout 2
went her room to rest till meeting 3
after meeting 3, we shifted things together to my pod (half her possessions are with me now)
then we went to the new canteen to have tea, snacks and a chat

after which, she went home
i came back, only to have received a meeting request to learn UT creation
so fine, stayed on
dragged and dragged
went off for dinner in a not-so-good mood

went to have happy duck rice at causeway point
well, it did make me happier i guess
haha.
relaxing journey back home
went online for a while, not much intention to do much work though

slept late today
doing up my claims for NLB and IG in the afternoon before i go officially broke
well, if everything is processed on time, i'll get reimbursed with a 4-digit amount!
now you know why i spent so much time on my claims.

a simple lunch today in the canteen
colleague feeling upset over the failed scholarship application for pursueing masters
well, can't help much.

IG meeting went fine
more preparations to be done for SCC launch, Asia-Pac Conference and sept camp.
way to go.

from tmr onwards,
i'll be packed, packed, packed.. with UT marking again!
the cycle has returned.

4th anniversary is this fri
not exactly looking forward to it
not when i've heard what they want me to wear
no way i'll turn up in THAT!

//posted by ivy @ 18:36//

Monday, July 24, 2006

a dry and boring day ahead
i can feel it the moment i stepped into class
then again, it's not a rare feeling
it's been the same for the past few weeks.

was on the phone last night
a relevation i guess
made me think, again and again
i wish i can go away
head somewhere by the sea
listen to the soft waves
enjoy the breeze

//posted by ivy @ 08:41//

Sunday, July 23, 2006

escapism.
procrastination.

in office
attempting to do work, which has been long due
progress report: 20% completed.

phone ringing, ring, rang
both of calls and smses
read.

who knows my thoughts?
who knows my words?
who knows exactly how i feel now?
God.

i wish very much im a lyrist now
so that i can escape into the world of music
penning down my thoughts, feelings and life into a piece
which i can indulge in the world of the black and white keys

someone once told me,
where words fail, music speaks.

//posted by ivy @ 17:25//

Saturday, July 22, 2006

met up with mummy and mr koh in the late afternoon
she needs to get a laptop and i wanted to take a peep at macbook
well, decision remains un-made (what kind of english am i advocating?)

was pretty much surprised when they talked to me regarding a certain matter which has been bothering me for quite long
ok, surprised is not the word.
touched.
i really am thankful for them in my life
to quote what leslie always says, "God provides."
He certainly did.

spent some time with mummy over dinner
i'm so going to miss such times
but well, skype is available. =)

//posted by ivy @ 23:50//

this week has been real amazing
for the simple fact that i had dinner with my kids everyday after work

gareth and gang were preparing for drama production and thus had rehearsals till late
james and jackie, being good buddies would stay in school and wait
while on the other hand, i'm always in school till late these few weeks
the late night dinners usually ended with hilarious laughters
a great way to end the day.

some screw-ups along the week
which simply means i've more things to do during the weekend and the week to come
not quite sure of my role in NLB now, will figure out along the way
i'm not quite a person who can stand uncertainties
risks are fine, but not when things are vague

i've been looking at that blog for more than 10 times
i'm still unable to figure out the full meaning of that song
maybe i should stop thinking about it
maybe i should just shut them out of my life, for the time being

macbook has recently captured my heart
a sleek white mac lappy
oh when will you be mine.

a red crumpler bag
should i or should i not?

30 more mins for me to re-craft my UT

//posted by ivy @ 13:33//

Friday, July 21, 2006

[wed - heading home together]
awake and asleep but finally up by noon
had 2 days MC for an infected throat
hung around the happening area before settling down to grade
showed off the red running shoes, showered the concern and left
few buzzes two hours later
initial plan to head back together was abandoned
busy with my kids in the world of fv, pv and pmt
gentle reminder to rest, rest, rest
eyebags showing but gorgeous nonetheless
*blush

[thurs - escorting after pirates 1]
late meetings at end of day
stayed in office for pirates 1
peace and quiet broken by songs of epic
came around to indicate presence and left
back again for guitar
a personal escort down the way
delivery report upon stepping into house
wonderful compliment on my dressing style
*blush

[fri - presence at 7-11]
lessons with meetings all the way
celebratory lunch of 6 at swensens
convenience of paying bills and buying drinks
shadow popped up right beside
shocked and surprised
a journey back to office together
nice green top.
*blush

//posted by ivy @ 23:27//

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

.the story of the dilemma.

it all began way back last year when my student was your mentee
she was sharing with you all about me, all that she felt, all that she knew
i didn't email you regarding her but somehow, you knew me right from then

met the members of the outstanding department in school when we first shifted to woodlands
there you were blasting music through the office
we went past to indicate our presence and muttered a simple introduction
RPC and E2 were never near but yet, bumps at various lifts occurred

a media and a human resource person
both equally people-oriented
which often results in casual exchanges of chats
while travelling along the pods or lifts

it started as a notification mail to all staff
which pissed me off being a receipient of such mails
a polite mail was drafted and sent
you replied to me that night, saying how such people never change
the name seems familiar but i never was able to link it back to my student/your mentee

to and fro, the polite exchanges via outlook
until the inaugural graduation day
seemed as though we were the representatives of our department
clapped alongside as we beamed with joy for our graduates

a few days after, dreadful UT was over
my module-chair was away on family trip for a month
the load of covering co-module chair came upon me
juggling marking and module admin
while settling down in pod

dinner after my colleague's wedding at botanic gardens
reassurances before dance performance at conference
celebration after the launch of the special project
are there more to come?

jasmine and mummy soon came to the awareness of situation
needless to say, such things doesn't escape your buddy's intelligence as well

such are the people who have been encouraging
till the day we make our decision.

//posted by ivy @ 23:02//

Sunday, July 16, 2006

launch of project youthepreneur is over!
yeah! =)

a big thanks to the guys for helping out in the logistics area, be it packing, unpacking, setting up stuff, and even skirting the table!
- sulaiman, james, jackie, sze how, chia hao, shu cheng and jiaming

thanks keith and shiyan for mending the student registration booth too.

a big thanks for the gals for helping out as ushers, and the important role some of you played during the actual launch!
- niza, shiyin, pauline, jolene (ushers)
- xueying, cheng hoon (signing gals)
- xy, hoonie, carrin (fish gals)
- tingyun (prize gal)

thanks to the 2 student emcees - gareth and tricia as well!

on hindsight, there were many areas which were overlooked
then again, we all learn from mistakes.
mayb i should write a RJ? haha.

a brand new week begins. soon.

//posted by ivy @ 23:43//

Thursday, July 13, 2006

not quite a happy entry yet.

well, i did have a superb time on tues evening with my kids at pizza hut
was with james, gareth, jackie and sulai
made a mess out of that place, doubled up in laughters because of some stunt that james pulled, and he almost spit out his mouthful of water as well.
times spent with them (plus the rest of the class) has always managed to take my mind off work, and to enjoy the company
it's real different from spending time with colleagues because we'll eventually end up talking about work (be it real work or simply whines)
i'm so sure i'll miss facilitating the class (ahh.. i remembered having the same feeling when my very first class was about to come to an end of the sem)
i'm going to miss spending time with them too, be it going out for dinner, meeting on sats, going out after class on fridays, chatting nonsensical stuff on msn, and the impromptu gatherings..
6 more weeks. time really flies.

on the other hand, i've been frustrated over NLB
IG advisors who never check emails, do not revert and end up asking me the very questions which i've already indicated in the emails
students who bug me at the wrong time and wrong place, with the wrong issues
frustrated at not having my full attention at NLB when there are other pending issues
of course, i wouldn't deny i'm excited about sat.
having a team of dedicated logis guys and ushers from the class to help out definitely helps a lot too.

took half-day leave today because i was too tired after yesterday
met with a mini accident while my colleague was fetching me home
some idiots braked out of the blue, along lane 1 in AYE (how can that happen!)
having no choice, we e-braked; and resulted in the back car crashing into us
i really didn't see it coming and was shocked when the impact came
thankful for safety belt but still suffered from whiplash
neck hurts a little last night.
at least, colleague's car was fine, with quite minor knocks as compared to the back car, which was 1/4 gone. toyota camry is a good car!
i was then rushing to finish grading and eventually slept at only a decent/indecent time of 3.30am

gotta wash up now, head down to school to take my tablet
over to craig road to pay for music permit (which is gonna cost $756 just for sat itself!)
then down to NLB to oversee the pushcart wrap installation while i do my grading as well.

tmr is not gonna get any better
lessons, down to NLB for dry-run
not sure what time i can be home.
the good news would be that, tmr's pay-day! =)

finally, sat is the big day!

//posted by ivy @ 11:29//

Monday, July 10, 2006

blister. ouch.

i was surfing last night and i actually found someone's blog
we were chatting on msn when the person mentioned a statement
not knowing exactly what that means, i did the most ultimate
copied and pasted into google, only to find out the link to the blog

crafted UT questions late night
my mind really wasn't thinking much, an idea came
hurriedly typed them down, made some minor language amendments
and they actually got passed through my MC and co-MC
i should start doing work in the middle of the night.

sending tonnes of reminder emails to estates
hostile and unfriendly people
hmph. they're actually not replying, can you believe it?
and the auto-generated email says "we'll reply within 4 hours"

my alma mater isn't replying much as well.
but at least, they called and say will get back soon.
i can't believe the person i'm liaising with is the one i 'siam' the most in school in the past

didn't exactly have a nice start to the packed week
mini squabble with my mum this mornin
no, it was more of a one-sided screaming exercise.
i didn't even bother to reply or defend
tired of it.
she will never understand what i'm going through at work and personal life.

weird it may sound,
but i'm actually looking forward to the NLB launch
as tiring it may possibly get, at least i've something tangible to work on, something to look forward, something to be happy and proud of.

it's horribly ironic
because i'm the problem crafter for the topic on 'motivation', and of cos, the UT crafter too.
on the reverse, i'm not exactly handling the issue on 'motivation' very well.
but, at least i know, students are my greatest source of motivation at work.

when will i post a happy entry!?!?

//posted by ivy @ 14:34//

Sunday, July 09, 2006

one of the rare occasions where i get to sleep so much these few months
the past two weeks have been real draining; and i wondered how i got well from my sickness at the same time
dance for women conference is over; but 6 days from now would be NLB

i've yet to do my UT crafting, which was due on fri
3 classes pending to be graded; haven been able to meet my D+3 at all since term started

im probably pretty upset/stressed/confused these couple of days, judging from the amount of chocolate i consumed
i've got no idea the step forward, feels as though im stuck in a nutshell
overall, a sucky feeling.
doesn't help when i couldn't tell much people about it

"give it time, let it slide"

//posted by ivy @ 19:10//

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

these two weeks have not been exactly a wonderful one
as much as i enjoy doing events planning and learning more about it, some aspects are definitely driving me mad when there's still academic work to be done at the same time
other than my problem being cleared, i have not done the rest yet. my UT crafting is not done yet, daily grade for mon's class not started and i've class tmr and fri. both nights are burnt for dance prac for sat's event
sat is gone as well --> dance at ACS, leslie's house-warming, students' bbq at night (in fact, i've two which clash head-on, not decided which one to attend yet)
after sat, it'll be full-steam ahead for the NLB event.. exciting yet tiring.
but i know the sense of satisfaction at the end of the day.. i know it'll all be worth it.

can't believe the amount of time i'm spending with students lately
went out with them on fri night, mon night and last night.
today for a change, i went for dinner with mummy (sau yee), had a real long chat and i'm thankful she's still around to hear me out
there are just some things you don't go around telling the whole, wide world
and sometimes, you can't tell your closest cell friends as well.

some news are more or less confirmed
one thing that i've learnt but not internalized is that, people come and go
i wonder how long i'll take to accept that.

the next one month and beyond is not going to be easy
and you know what you can do to make my life happier?
make me smile, in the little ways you can.

lingering thoughts for the night:
The stars are not in the sky tonight
Tonight they spin all around you

who does "you" represent?
why do the stars spin all around "you"?
questions, with no answers. yet.

//posted by ivy @ 23:54//