*the love and grace of God in my life..*

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

i've never found saying goodbye easy
there have been many times when i knew that the goodbye i said would probably be the start of a very distant relationship
i remembered saying that to kar yeong, that we would keep in touch but we never, really did.
i remembered saying that to gabriel, and already, we're talking pretty less. he's one good friend and colleague that i struggled not to feel upset during his farewell, knowing full well that he'll be happier at his new workplace, and i really wanted to wish him all the best over there
i remembered saying that to lynda, although she was my director and probably shared a hierarchy relationship, i knew her departure was a loss to the dept. i will not forget how i thanked God for her being my panel interviewer and making the interview a smooth one; how she has made me admire her capabilities in the short 11 months working under her and how dynamic a woman she was, and is.

as much as i fear farewell to close colleagues, i know it's a huge gain for them to be able to step out from the academic line back into the industry. feeling happy and glad for them that what they've done here are recognized and appreciated by the industry, it's still hard to swallow the fact that these are the people who have helped to groom me in some way or another
be it teaching me soft skills, people management, how to handle my boss, workplace survival, resolving conflicts etc, or simply being there for me as a supportive colleague, as a friend, as a travel companion, as a breakfast/lunch/dinner/supper kahki, they have all made a deep print in my first year of work out here in the dangerous society.

i took up the role of the MC next semester, knowing that i've a supportive boss and colleagues who will stand by me, help me when i need guidance and basically, be with me along the never-ending journey of a horrid semester.
this may not stand for long, after all.
if you ask me how i feel, one phrase says it all.

can't find the right word to say

//posted by ivy @ 22:51//

Monday, June 26, 2006

so here i'm again
without the right words to say...
- excerpt from 7 ways to say how i feel

gave my class a miss today
activated wah long to stand-in for me while i'll take his class either this or next week
i was rushing to amend the problem and worksheet for briefing this wed and next tues
while doing so, my email was connected and i just couldn't do my work because every few mins, the alert will come on, indicating that i've incoming mails
once the problem is cleared tmr, i'll be happier, knowing that i can concentrate on my july event, meeting events co, student performers, advisors, technicians etc
i can also put more focus on my IG kids and their progress.

i was complaining to my RO big time yesterday evening, that i'm someone who knows what i've on hand and i do NOT need reminder about my deadline
i know my deadline and i'll deliver it even if it means to stay late in office, to miss my sleep or etc.
the only thing i detest is people breathing down my neck and reminding every few mins, so STOP it..
go away won't you?
to date, i've always delivered, not like you, who promised but never do so
so, stop emailing and smsing me about it.
and worse still, to cc my boss..
becos i didn't do that to you last week when you couldn't finish.. so don't start.

urgh.
utterly pissed off.

//posted by ivy @ 23:17//

Friday, June 23, 2006

fire-fighting day
i didn't have a good sleep last night and at 6am (the usual time i wake up), i was feeling real bad, feverish and all. the only thought was to take MC and activate the stand-in to take over my class today
then i realised today's problem is the toughest of all throughout G105 and i really wanted to be there for my students, plus i've also received a sms from my module chair that she is on urgent leave today and if im to take MC as well, there'll be no covering module chairs around
thought for a while and forced myself to wash up, grab a bite and came to school

was real glad i decided to come becos while waiting for my colleague to pick me up, one facilitator called to report sick and i had to then activate the stand-by for her class
what was worse is that the stand-by was also not feeling well, and was complaining to me via sms throughout my journey to school
it really wasn't a good start to the day

reached class feeling feverish and coughing away
the first meeting took a real long time but i've sort of expected it
the problem was that tough.
2nd meeting was worse, it lasted from 11.15pm till 1.15pm
was pretty pissed off with some of them and the attitude they gave
it certainly didn't help when i tried to make the effort to help them despite feeling like shit
gave them till 2.30pm to finish up their slides, timeline and most of them missed lunch as a result
went to class and we finally got started at 3pm
shot at some of them for their answers, which were totally ridiculous.
it's seldom that i flared up in class, but i thought this was one of the worst time that they would want to try to smoke me
no doubt i love them to bits, but when it's time to be serious, it's probably the only thing i won't compromise

despite having the day filled with struggling with the formulaes for simple and compounded interest, they willingly stayed behind after class for the mini test i had for them
we were actually solving together till 5 plus.. i couldn't believe it
neither do i know how come i have the energy and strength to last that long
gave pacesetter's meeting a miss, regretted it when one of my leaders came to me and told me what happened

currently, students are downstairs playing games, watching movies, talking
while i'm here trying to get some work done in the quiet, cold but decent office
nothing much done except that i've spent the past hour or so thinking about some stuff, and blogging.

my pod mate was real nice today
knowing that im sick, and that the pod water cooler hasn't been producing clean water (there's always this funny taste and smell), he went to 7-11 to get me voda-voda mineral water

pod mates who are friends are hard to come by
we hardly know each other now that we're separated.
i can count the number of friends i've in the pod with a pair of hands
sadly to say, the close friends are all over the place, except E2 (my office)
sigh.

the weekend is a long, long one
i've to:
- grade 3-W26F
- grade 2-W25L
- UT1 answers
- UT2 answers
- draft email to RO
- draft program for NLB

and a lot more, which i'm not listing down
they make me depressed.

currently playing: 7 ways to say how i feel by E.P.I.C band
i really love the song.. go check it out at http://epic-band.blogdrive.com

//posted by ivy @ 20:07//

Thursday, June 22, 2006

for the longest time, my msn nick reads "MC = module chair or medical certificate?"
well, for today, it's both.
i've got myself sick again, and it's horrible.
feeling warm on the inside and cold on the outside, my nose is blocked and my throat is itchy.
argh.

covering co-MC for the past 3 weeks has not been a wonderful experience, and it makes me wonder how i'm going to cope being a MC for the next semester of 20 weeks.
it doesnt help that my own boss, asst director and my ex-director (she has left for a better opportunity) have such high hopes in me that i'll be able to do my job well.

i felt what an octopus must be feeling everyday, with the exception that i've only two hands while it has many more.
in a short hour, i was:
- answering phonecalls
- replying sms-es
- replying msn messages
- discussing about july's performances for the launch with my boss
- discussing about actual day operation with an AA and my boss
- discussing with STA ppl for help from EMP
- replying emails from &^%*#%$^% facilitators with regards to all sorts of &^%#$*&$ questions
- reviewing problems
- coordinating with CCC
- assigning classes in LEO
- changing stand-by list and assigning buddies for UT invigilation
- D+3 grading
- eating

yea, i was doing all these at the same time
on top of the fact that my head was throbbing and i was dying of cold in the office

i dunno what to say to jasmine when she sent me some messages
seeing that she was upset and not being able to do much sucks
i could only be a channel where she vented and shared

it's D+4 today and i've not started grading at all.
i've just taken my med and i feel like sleeping.
how now?

the task ahead is never greater than the power behind.

//posted by ivy @ 13:42//

Monday, June 12, 2006

as the dept held its breath and waited patiently or impatiently for the team break to arrive, it's now starting to wave goodbye to us.
the last day of lesson was probably the most exciting lesson with my day 2 class
janice came to observe the class and i do hope she has learnt a wee bit since the way i manage my classes is pretty different
after school, went out and brought them to sushi tei for a nice and fulfilling dinner
came back and started to feel a little sick; what a way to start the team break

the entire of last week was spent marking, marking and marking the 2907 UT papers
it's REAL terror, so much so that i can predict the deadline being delayed over and over again
take away all my meetings, IG preparation, problem crafting, review, UT review and etc, i'll be able to finish marking everything within 5 days.
but when you load me with all the above, and still expect me to finish within 5 days, you're either being too idealistic or you're being an idiot (with no reference to anyone, 'you' is just a general description).
i stayed pretty late in office for a few days, just to finish as much as i could
being alone in the office at night is a real horrifying experience by the way, and there's no way i would willingly do that, so you can go figure out how desperate i'm to finish marking the whole pile of crap.

couldn't care less and headed to batam over the weekend, and took monday off as well
i've absolutely no regrets in taking this small, little break from work (will update my batam trip in a separate post; it deserved more than to be mentioned alongside with work)
a little commotion in a particular portfolio today; the very moment i'm worried of has come to pass
someone warned me that the bigger backlash is at the end of the month. i know that very well, i'm just not sure how well i would cope.

IG gals are sms-ing, calling and msn-ing me about IG matters
be it workshops, yr 1s, internal disagreements.. you name it, they've mentioned it.
as much as they're taking up a whole lot of my time, i'm not willing to let go, and let them handle it on their own
i want to grow them to be effective student leaders.

life in pod has been happy, depressing, cold, warm..
my pod mates are fine, some are real strangers, some are friends.
i'm tired of office politics, stop it won't you? and you.. and you!

//posted by ivy @ 20:28//