*the love and grace of God in my life..*

Sunday, October 31, 2004

strugging with the sm case analysis at the moment
decided to dump it for a while and type at blogger instead.
the past week been pretty draining..

i went for combined cell on fri night
was contemplating for a long time
i had 30 mins to decide and after it was up, i was still sitting on my bed, not knowing if i shld go
half of me said i could finish up the chpt on corp governance if i stay at home
and the other half said but you go, it's time set aside for God
so i dragged myself out of the house.. very reluctantly.
on the way to the bus-stop, the thought of turning back still lingered around
i remembered saying to myself "i dun have to go, i have exams. i need to study."
a while later, the song "Holy spirit, rain down" came.. and i was just singing and thinking of the drum beats to it as i walked
and then i said to Him, "if it's really for me to go, let the song be sung later then"
for those of you who were there, u know whether it was being sung.

din study much for sat and sun
read a little before catching a show with dear on sat
though his eyes were still a little red and the rain was pouring outside, but he said "let's go town, catch a movie and have dinner."
i remembered asking him whether it was for real!
but i had a nice time!
watched "celullar", nice show..
and had some time with dear before he went back

read his blog..
and im so proud of him.
although at times, i really dunno what to say even as he shares abt his training for the week, but i know he's still holding strong, and always depending on Daddy
*hugs dearie!
days seem to fly lately.. i'll always send him to woodlands on sun and before long, i'll receive a 'private number' calling and that will be him booking out.
training is gonna get tougher soon when he goes on class 2
but whatever it is, i know that since God put him there, His grace will follow through
and thru this period of time, He has a work to do in both of us

reminds me of the question si'er asked me over msn the other day
and when i think back, i realised that since zhong enlisted, no one has really asked me that before
and when that qn came, i had to think for a few moment before i answered him
im glad God made me stronger emotionally. though i still cry occassionally when i had to see dear off, when i yearned for him to be ard or even think of him, i know that God is taking care of me and teaching me to be less dependent on humans for emotional needs
i have yet to call anyone up just becos im crying over zhong, or missing him at times.
whenever i feel like crying, i'll pray for him and it works!
helped me to see the bigger picture of him being in ndu and how i can be a support to him, and not a worry.

alright.
back to case
and exams are 3 days away
pretty scary

//posted by ivy @ 23:06//

Thursday, October 28, 2004

i've fallen in love with NIE library
been studying there since yday and it's really conducive!
these 2 days, i spent more time in school than at home
i was in school till 11.45pm yday and 10.30pm today!

anyway, studying with chien ming, danwen and liting is nice
it's funny to see how danwen is comparing his speed of revision with me
with every chpt we complete, we will see who's faster! hahaz
and as of now, im faster than him!
but joanne is faster than me! =)

anyway, the conclusion after studying for the past 4 days is..
can never go beyond 4 chpts of reading per day
i covered 4 today, the 5th one can hardly make it past the first page
danwen covered 3, he's almost brain-freezed

okie.. off to rest
tmr morning another round at NIE lib before lessons at 2.30pm
and hopefully sat back there again as well
needa finish everything up asap
*stressed

the case study for exams will be out tmr!
oh no.. then we'll hafta spend time to discuss on mon.

//posted by ivy @ 23:25//

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

a sleepy tues
i looked at my revision chart and nearly got a heart attack
im only at less than 20% of the total stuffs to be studied, and i aiming to finish both pol econs and sm by sat.
great, now how exactly am i gonna do that?

anyway, the first attempt of persuading my mum for cedar pt failed
i only managed 3 sentences out of my mouth before i saw tears at her eyes
her reason is a valid reason, and is something that has been bothering me as well
had numerous advices yday, from various people
and i wanna thank God for huiling and celine, for the way they encourage me to try and helped me see a bigger picture out of what i think is a hopeless situation
to both of you: you're such an angel!
whether or not im going in the end, it's not up to me.

was studying at nus law lib yday
luckily we went in earlier cos a while after that, there was membership check
but anyway, it was a condusive place to study but perhaps, i went on a wrong day
i din get much done yday cos even as i was reading my notes, my mind was half occupied with cedar pt
and during the walk to mac, i remembered telling myself, forget abt cedar pt
be a good gal and stay at home
but the sense of regret never fail to come back to say,
look, you haven even really tried your best to explain your situation and u're giving up on such an opportunity?
and that was the exact statement celine made in the later part of the night as well
so i went to bed, with the hope of..
im gonna try juz one last time
if it's a no, i'll take it as a no
and bye bye cedar pt
if it's a yes, it's cedar pt, here i come

tonight.
i shall make up my mind

//posted by ivy @ 14:25//

Sunday, October 24, 2004

a lazy sunday cos i din study much today except a chpt of pol econs
and that is practically nothing to brag about

talked to dear about cedar point juz now and i burst out in tears
i din even have to hear his answer to start crying
cos the thought of it makes me cry oredi

drums were pretty okie today
din make a huge load of mistakes but of cos, there was a handful

im blogging backwards.
hmm?
anyway, im off to rest
wakey early to study tmr, meeting liting at law lib in the afternoon
and i'll speak to my parents abt cedar either tmr or tues.
by wed, i'll either email cedar to reject or get ready the cash to accept

in the meanwhile,
i have to..
pray.

//posted by ivy @ 22:53//

Saturday, October 23, 2004

i got into 'cedar point'.

the interview today went fine
it was pretty easy, except the signing of agreement part
and of cos, the long wait for the interview from 9am till 2.30pm!
hmm, alright. it was briefing and admin stuffs from 9am till 11am but we still waited long.
if cedar point materialises, there will be 5 HRC gals and 1 accountancy gal heading down, and we will have to take care of each other there! haha.

my parents are not aware of this yet. =/
mayb i wun attend convocation after all. *unsure*

need to finish up my half chpt of SM left behind from yday
and listen to some songs before i gabra everything tmr.

//posted by ivy @ 21:11//

revision has officially started yday, but with no significant progress
im still pretty stuck at the first few chpts of SM, and no touch at pol econs, yet.
and when i hear diana talk, she scared me today
the way she is so piah and so far ahead for revision!
and of cos, many others in my class.
it's pretty scary and even in my 5th sem in uni, i find it hard to tell myself not to compare and proceed at my own pace

and it's always in times like these, i feel shortchanged for my weekends
while 95% of the class is mugging, im havin meetings, music prac etc
and while they spent weekends at home to study, i spent weekends at german centre
and while they have 11 days for revision, i have 9 days

i could make it for the combined meeting tonight
but i chose to come home
settle some issues for the interview tmr, and i studied half chpt of SM

i haven prepared for tmr's music prac
neither am i very prepared for huiling's session tmr
and im so unprepared for exams in 11 days

11 days!
my gosh.. and i barely touched 10% of my books for both modules
how am i going to survive?
and the additional stress comes in becos of the class of honours that has been on everyone's mind since we entered into our final year
no doubt many in my class are gonna make it to 1st class and 2nd upper
and my fear.. is to get a 2nd lower

the stress comes from my parents wanting to see me graduate with a decent honours as well.
and the fact that 2 of my step-sisters graduated with 1st class and 2nd isn't helping much
cos i know deep in their hearts, they want to see the fruit of their investments in me. the reason why my dad is paying for my uni fees without expecting me to pay back is so that i can concentrate on my studies and at the end of it, do them proud by getting a good honours, and a good job.
and of cos, i want them to beam with joy during my convocation.

time flies, it's my final year
and sometimes, i just can't comprehend the fact that corporate world is waiting to engulf all of us
and becos of that, i made a bold decision to go for the interview tmr
if i dun get through, i'll forget all abt WAT
if i do, the chances of me going for it is high
although there is the concern of my family, boyfriend and church ministries
i'll just have to see the outcome of tmr's morning interview

and for now, it's time to get a decent rest
before the long day ahead
the long weekend ahead

//posted by ivy @ 01:06//

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

i dunno how to describe the way today ended

today is officially my last presentation for this sem
company analysis of fish & co was done pretty well, considering we only sat down and talked thru it seriously last night ard 8pm
but that is becos i have searched quite a bit of info
did our parts.. danwen compiled everything today before the presentation and it went on fine
had a long chat with danwen after class, all the way till 8 plus
it was something we wanted to tell each other but decided to only do it after our final presentation, which is today
as usual, all the frustration was let out
and after the chat, we were amazed to look back and see that we have finally survived through so many incidents and stuffs
last week was a terrible one for both of us.. and we could really empathize with each other
ended off everythin on a high note.. quite a cheerful feeling
although of cos, we still have a report due on fri but that is rather minor oredi

and so when i made my way home
it was really with a thankful heart and a cheerful one
till of cos, a flasher terrified me
i was taking the lift to my level when it stopped at the 2nd floor for no reason
someone must have pressed the button accidentally, i thought
so i reached out and hit the door-close button
before i go on, the lift faces the staircase directly..

and when the door had that ti-ti-ti sound to indicate it was closing
the flasher stepped out from behind the staircase and stood at the top flight of it
and we were directly in line-of-sight of each other
though it was a mere 2 seconds or so, i have to say my heartbeat increased by twice
i took out my phone and pressed 999, and positioned my finger on the dial button juz as the lift reached my floor
i was half worried he'll appear in front of me
or worse still, at that staircase which i have to walk past to get to my unit
and i just have to be wearing heels today
can't run, and i make a lot of noise simply by trying to walk fast
rushed to my unit, hastily unlocked my door
and rushed in before i felt safe

horrible
danwen commented, "what a way to end your supposedly good day"
yeah, i must agree
horrible
sickening guy
at the moment i closed my door, i wanted to call dear
then i realised.. i can't
argh~

anyway, as of today
i can stop worrying about projects and start studying for real
i dun have much time
my first two papers are on 3rd and 4th nov
irritatingly near
i barely have two weeks!!

//posted by ivy @ 22:49//

was in the lab doing slides for tmr when dear called
was quite surprised that he could call back
only to realise that he called back secretly to say that he might have night range on sat
he was supposedly to be calling up those guys in his platoon who are under mc i think

dear reported sick today
still coughing i guess
hope his ippt tmr goes well
on one hand, i felt good that he called to inform me
otherwise, sat will be a long wait
on the other, i wun get to spend time with him at all this weekend
unless he has weekday free since his range on sat night

i needa sleep
can't believe i slept at 2 last night, woke up at 6 plus this morn
was in school till 11 plus
and now im still not asleep when i have to be up at 8am tmr
yawnz~

and after tmr, it's one more minor report and study time.

//posted by ivy @ 01:40//

Monday, October 18, 2004

today's presentation went on fine, though i think we'll lose out to the afternoon session cos cheryl tay commented that afternoon sessions were more creative
but it's a formal presentation and yet, she wants it to be fun, juz like aahad. so demanding.. =/

anyway, we went for jap lunch at fiesta today cos 3 out of 4 of us were craving for jap food, spend some time eating, chatting and slacking at fiesta
then went to walk around before coming to school for lect

and now, im in lib 2 trying to get some work done while waiting for danwen to come back from his fyp interview so that we (plus slacker ailing) can work on tmr's presentation together.
tmr's the LAST presentation of this sem, and im so glad all the mad rush is coming to an end
*phew.
this really has got to be the most crazy semester so far!

shall utilise my two hours wisely
im quite looking forward to settle down and study soon
cos the sooner the exams are over, the sooner the hols are coming
think the hols is quite dry as well, gotta rush fyp
it's gonna be fyp at least 4 times a week
but one good thing is i can have more time with dear during weekends
but again, maybe not so since the physical phase starting in nov.
pretty fast.. scary to hear

yep..it's getting uncomfy typing on this keyboard which isn't very responsive.

anyway, im starting to love my costing grp mates
very efficient eh! and of cos, there is more than just work.. we have the fair share of fun as well
and i dun regret doin with this grp! =)

mon isn't blue today.

//posted by ivy @ 17:09//

Saturday, October 16, 2004

blogging from dear's laptop
he's watching show outside
while i've juz finished editing hr costing report and sent it to liting
yep, i feel quite relieved when i finished my part
only to realised i haven done my slides for tmr
and company analysis for tues
jialat..and danwen will only be free ard evening time on mon
which means.. we gotta rush out the slides on mon night and tues morn
i wun wanna miss my pol econs before class though

anyway, im off for dinner
super super hungrie
tata

//posted by ivy @ 17:49//

Friday, October 15, 2004

guess how my pol econs presentation went?
well, you either was in my class and heard how i impromptu-ly attempted to save ourselves by playing game to guess ASEAN-4, or you heard me whine it out after class
i think it was horrible!
not to mention that the slides were done up at 2.40pm when presentation supposedly starts at 2.30pm.
well, how nice
the presenting grp is late but aaron saved our lives by taking away the tutor's attention for a brief ten mins or so (though it wasn't for a good cause)

anyway, i promise myself i'll not do projs with her and her next sem
'no more' is the word
mich: it's not you, dun worry! i love you too much! hahaha!!! =)
and believe me, i gave them super cold attitute today and i can't deny that im really pissed
too many people! spoils everything
but it doesn't happen everytime. this is exception

anyway, im SO glad it's the end of pol econs.
so so glad
danwen, i know why you blew up the other day now.

and now im in lab, doing nothing!
pol econs report editing in process and they are doin hr costing at the same time
argh!.. finish up pol econs first la.
then i can go off to do my work
insensitive

tmr have to be back at 3pm to do slides and report for mon's
liting says wun take till evening
i doubt BIG time!
dunno dunno
im so argh!

is dear coming back tonight?
i dunno how also.. weekends like no time for dear as well
but yet, i haven seen him for a week
ahhhhh!!

my tummy dun hurt anymore
took one med this morning, that's all
and now im okie
no no, im not. i'm boiling now!

funny entry
can't stand it
have to blog
i dun think im hard to work with for projs
but im quite sure i can't work with certain ppl, not anymore
tata

//posted by ivy @ 16:23//

Thursday, October 14, 2004

im so so so tired
slept at 2 plus last night, woke up at 7 this morning
and im not asleep yet but i need to be up latest 7am tmr as well
need to do up my part of pol econs report and my slides
presentation is tmr.

today's t&d presentation went well, and it felt good after our grp ended
stayed in school till 10.30pm for discussion and now, we're back to rush everything out by tmr 2pm
and before u think it's over, there is one more such crazy thing due on mon morning!
and another on tues
which simply means either sat or sun, i'll have to be back in school. =/

had a really bad bout of tummy pain right after presentation and i've tried all forms of sitting arrangements in class which none worked
it hurts so much i burst out in tears after class ended
diana, ting and mich dragged me to the medical centre soon after
the doc upon poking and pressing my tummy said i was having chonic, which meant intestinal spasm, which in simple form means my intestines went on strike and contracted!
O_O!
i am to eat non-oily and non-spicy food for the next 5 days..
it's still a tingling pain occassionally now
i shld go rest.

//posted by ivy @ 23:40//

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

restless wed

went for a late dinner with liting and when i reached home, my bed called me and i couldn't resist it
slept promptly around 12 plus till 7 plus this morn
my alarm was set at 8am though, went back to sleep till 9 plus..and yet again till 10.30am
liting: see? i sleep like a pig too!

dragged myself out of bed
edited the report for T&D which somehow took me quite a while
now is circulating ard
wanted to start on my costing report but diana says to wait cos outline might be wrong
hopefully not. it's due on sun!
in the meanwhile, i can start doin fish and co analysis but im lazy
went to pack my notes
and i still have 3 hrs before meeting my jc fren for dinner
and the night to memorise my presentation for tmr
hope i dun screw it up..im doin recommendations.
pretty scared of Q&A cos they are bound to shoot at recommendations
uuurrgghh

thurs is dreadful cos meeting for pol econs after T&D presentation which means slides have to be done on thurs night itself
gosh..how to?
my weekends is gone. for sure

SICKENING!!

//posted by ivy @ 14:47//

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

been in the computer lab since 5 plus till now, pretty productive
i finished all my part for T&D report
except vetting thru the entire report, which i'll do it when im home in a while

waiting for liting to finish up her part of the report before we go for dinner
im hungry! it's almost ten and i haven eaten! gosh.. that's new. haha
but i ate nasi lemak for breakfast and mac for lunch.. pretty heavy meals. hehz

yep, im still thinking abt the revelation class which is starting on sun
still thinking abt the priority qn on ministries

alright..she's done
gotta get going for dinner.. hungrriieee.

i need sleep too
slept at 2am and woke up at 5 plus to do work
and it's more than 16 hours im awake oredi.
*yawnz

//posted by ivy @ 21:39//

Sunday, October 10, 2004

it's gonna be ten soon.
i figured that i wun be sleeping much tonight.
haven touched my test for tmr morn, haven finished lit review either..
jialat.. hope im not affecting jiasian's progress! haha. =)

tmr is a packed day, i gotta churn out my pol econs by tmr night, by hook or by crook, or my head will basically roll.
needa get myself organized, im getting confused with my deadlines!

other than the rather not-exciting week ahead, im looking forward to fri this time round
dear will be out
and more imptly, both T&D and pol econs presentations will be over. and that is enough to ease the load by 3/4!

so here i go to study and do up my report
diana: dun kill me..i know u muz be having prob compiling report now! sorrie~

//posted by ivy @ 21:37//

Friday, October 08, 2004

came back from networking night not too long ago
quite an eye-opener to hear several companies introduce about themselves
am only interested in IE singapore and SMRT..
saw the entire hr dept from IE sing.. SMRT was quite promising as well, esp their management prog
IBM irritated some of us, the way the hr person talks.. we juz turned and walked away after a few qns
AIA was a failure cos they were just recruiting financial planner and there was no one at the booth!
we gave monetary authority of singapore, dso lab a skip.. mainly for banking and engine ppl
the entire HR gang went for the buffet the moment it hit 8pm.
gathered at some corner and had our own gathering
one of the times i felt HR being so bonded all of a sudden and we made up of diff ppl from diff clique

mich was telling me all abt WAT on our way back
came back and so excitedly checked the website and all the details.
hey mich, if u are reading this, i think.. i'll go for the interview! =)
but for the time being, shall keep the decision to myself and dear whom i told last week
the interview seems hard to get through as well, with the overwhelming response.
think will discuss it soon..with the ppl who are interested in WAT

a lot to cover this weekend
and im rather tired to do any report now
must die die finish up t&d tmr morn, so that i can mail to diana for her to compile
pol econs shall do on monday itself..
and sun will have to spend on studying for quiz
eeeeekks!!

//posted by ivy @ 22:56//

Thursday, October 07, 2004

i got this feeling i'll end up a panda @@ pretty soon.
cos im waking up earlier nowadays and i still sleep at the same time
but of cos, i super overslept this morn
wanted to wakey at 6 to type my report, ended up sleeping till 7 plus
couldn't finish my report before going off to meet di and ting at mac
but i was rather glad we managed to come out with the outline in less than an hour!

so the rest of these few days would be spent on typing, editing and preparing for presentations!
4 major ones! woohoo~
now, it is a test of how much i can be stretched!
hmmm, not stressed, but stretched.

i skipped half of my afternoon seminar to do some part of report
now waiting for the class to end, so that danwen can come over and do sm game
all the 4 modules are swarming me from all directions man!
okie, i see him coming in
tata

//posted by ivy @ 16:29//

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

wed is almost over.
this week is a terror, but i know it's just a prelude to more horrible schedules to come in the next 1.5 weeks.

skipped my first lecture of the semester on mon, came home and slept for straight 4 hrs. was in school till 10 plus yday doing research for pol econs.
today, reached school at 11am and left at 8 plus
i practically stuck my butt to the computer lab chair for the whole day
and even that, i hardly finish much
have to get down to typing some parts of the final report now.
tmr meeting for discussion in the morning and i wun be home till late as well

fri is worse
i shouldn't have signed up for networking nights.. grr.
sat is worse worse too!
meeting huiling, then leaders' meeting, then music prac
im having a test on mon, how on earth am i going to study?

off to typing report
the dreaded t&d and pol econs presentations are drawing near..at an amazing fast pace.

//posted by ivy @ 21:28//

Sunday, October 03, 2004

sat
was in school doing sm game till 2 plus before i rushed off to bugis to meet dear who managed to book out that morning
caught 'white chicks', super hilarious show
but again, it's a no-brainer show, pure comedy and light-hearted.
after that, went to shop for presents and i bought a pair of slippers as well
hmm, more of dear bought it for me. hehz.

sun
today's sermon was really short, din really manage to catch the gist of it
but i caught what pastor said before communion
had lunch with the gals, celebrated arlene's bday
managed to smear some cream on her, and of cos i got some myself
gave celine a little surprise
had a nice laugh over sab's 'attire' and 'purple butt'
went over to dear's place after packing up.

he was mending the guitar stand, i wanted to try drafting my article write-up but gave up and went to sleep instead
i dunno how long i slept..supposedly going for dinner but i was so sleepy dear decided to be nice and buy dinner back
before he left, he made sure the fan was blowing at me, comforter was over me and closed the door so that i dun get disturbed
though i was half-asleep but i was still aware of it
and it made me felt so warm for a moment
and after dunno-how-long, he woke me up again for dinner

went with him to marsiling
and on the way there, cry-baby ivy teared a little
sigh
it's been so many times that i sent him off to camp oredi but each time, the feeling is still raw
and while he asked me to take care of myself, the tears will flow

i shld make my way to bed
needa be up early tmr, having a graded session for tmr's morning seminar
can't be late, and i need to be awake and alert
might be skipping a couple lects/tut/sem these 2 weeks, to finish up my projs

g'nite

//posted by ivy @ 22:32//

Friday, October 01, 2004

im supposed to head to bed now.. but..
i can't resist coming to blogger.
today is a nice day, a nice fri to end the week and start the weekend
had discussion at mac-cafe juz now! wonder how we did it.. managed to come out with the costing report framework. quite glad!

have a lot to accomplish the next 7 days.
~ sm game q5
~ UA article
~ T&D report - my part
~ costing report - my part
~ pol econs research, indonesia

woohoo! isn't that a lot?
and there is much much more.
but it's nice to hear how my proj mates are understanding towards my crazy packed week of projs when they say things like "dun worry. if you can't cope, let me know. i'll do it." or "i'll take 3 parts, you juz take 2 parts." and things like "we must support one another"
makes me feel so warm and despite my constant whines and complaints abt the timing of all my projs, i haven allow stress to conquer me.
still quite calm over the tons of work to do.. surprising!
hehz.

time to sleep
i decided on meeting at 9am tmr, so i better not oversleep or danwen will come after my head!
i think and i hope and i pray hard that dear will be out tmr.
though im busy and stuffs, but i'll spend my day with dear if he's booking out.
it's been 20 months =)

//posted by ivy @ 22:56//

finally a morning where im still at home.
the past 4 days i was in school from early morning for discussion
read joanne's blog and got a little stressed.
her grp seems to be progressing rather fast for all the project reports.

and mine?
- Costing report yet to start
- Costing presentation obviously not started
- Costing test yet to study
- Costing UA article yet to start

- T&D report yet to start
- T&D presentation obviously not too

- SM game 3/4 way thru
- SM company analysis yet to start
- SM game report obviously not yet

- Pol econs report yet to start
- Pol econs presenation not yet too

diaoz.
im getting scared.
looking at the amount of things coming in the next 2 weeks is freaking me out.
okie, at least my grp is meeting in the afternoon to start on costing report, sat to do sm game..
scarrriiieeee~

danwen says to study in school on sat after our game
hmmm, i might. but not studying, more of doin my UA artcle.

shall do some research for pol econs now
before heading to school. soon.
it's weekends oredi but im not feeling very excited.
cos dear is not booking out today.
and im pretty tight on schedule. =/

//posted by ivy @ 11:41//