*the love and grace of God in my life..*

Saturday, June 29, 2002

//posted by ivy @ 21:33//

cough cough..im sick.
argh....hate this feeling
esp when i am going for crusade camp next week!!

i ate those lozenges like sweets today.
they dun seem to work much.
lime water also finish liao, so sour..
duh it's lime water!!

korea is losing to turkey..1-3
toopid turkey..im going to eat u up during christmas..hehz. i sound like vincent huh? ha.
now i wonder who will lose tmr??
brazil?? haha.

//posted by ivy @ 21:02//

Thursday, June 27, 2002

as i looked at him, my mind went blank.
blank with emotions, and filled with memories.
he changed, and so have i.
everyone changes, we are no exception.

i missed him and i loved him.
i gave up so much for him.
but things just weren't supposed to be
and so we went our separate ways.

i wonder how i was myself last time,
looking back, things were in a maze.
i searched for light and for hope,
all that was given to me was hurt and darkness.

i fought my way out from the darkness
entered into a world of bright light.
i carried myself out from the pool of hurt
came into a place where i can't trust.

they were there for me but only for a while
they talked and they advised
all i could do was listen and cry
and draw myself back to my little house of fear.

you came along and you helped me up.
you think you din do much but you did a lot.
you gave me hope, love and something you dunno.
something that i hold dear to my heart.

something that makes me warm
something that gives me life
something that lifts me up
and im not going to let go of that thing.

--ivy *undescribeable mood*

//posted by ivy @ 00:54//

korea lost. turkey lost too.
so brazil against germany this sun.
korea against turkey this sat.
*world cup craze FINALLY ending*

went to toa payoh for karaoke today.
cell outing. or rather supposedly cell outing.
watched soccer more than we sing.
and i paid $6 for that..ha.

played drums these 2 days.
i can play 'Therefore being justified'.
yeah..so happy.
but stressed man..when he asked me to play 'Heart of Worship'.
i wanted so much to but i dun dare to whack.
hehz.

going off for crusade camp next week.
excited? not really.
dun ask me why cos i dunno. (the sky so high)..crap
five long days..four long nights.

school starting soon for someone..
dun be sianz lah..it got to start someday.
holidays are holidays.
they are not forever breaks.
so somehow, u gotta go back to school.
me too.
oh man, after 7 months of holidays, so hard to imagine me copying notes during lect and doin tuts.

//posted by ivy @ 00:36//

Saturday, June 22, 2002

God was good.
God is good.
God will always be good.

in good times
in bad times
in ALL times!

//posted by ivy @ 00:47//

audrey..this post is specially for you..

yeah..gotta tell you something..
im so glad..to hear what u just said.
i really am.
i think tears are just bursting to drop now.

i was like so worried for you ever since that day you came my house.
i knew things were not going to go smoothly from there
but i could not be there for you.
i knew you were depressed but i can't do anything.
i can't say i understand cos i dun.
you know how lost i felt? how worried i was?
oh man..i hated that feeling these few days.
i could not tell anyone..i felt lost..helpless.
it's like seeing you in depression but yet..
i can't do anything..
not a thing.

zhongfa kept telling me not to worry
cos God is in control.
he must have told me that a dozen times.
whenever i say im worried
though he dunno what's going on but he just said to trust God cos He is in control.
i say i will..
but deep down...im not!
i mean..how? it's so difficult..

till tonight..when i read your blog.
it was depressing but i din feel depressed.
i felt a little glad.
it was like an assurance to me that you will be fine
that God is bringing you into a deeper level of intimacy with Him
i felt the peace from within.
i dunno how to describe but it's something that juz came upon me.
and i knew from that instance that
God is indeed in control..
i felt a little better, thinking that things are getting better.
till you told me that God answered your prayer.
it came as a shock to me..
it's like God telling me..'See..you just have to trust in Me..'

i feel like crying..i reali.
not cos im sad or what..
but ...ahh, what the heck..
i dunno how to put it down in words..

Audrey..im so glad..
you be strong k?

//posted by ivy @ 00:27//

england lost..usa lost..
brazil won..germany won..
*toopid world cup craze*

'WINDTALKERS' is bloody..
bomby..touching..but nice..
above average show.
though it's totally gross when i saw the leg being blown off..
and the head being chopped off.(i din exactly see that..hehz)

went to aunty selena's hse for ministry training.
turned out to be quite stress-less.
basically going thru everything that was written in that orange booklet.
after that had banana muffins.
nice though it taste hard..quite wheaty..
brought home 3.
my dad juz ate one..

pastor drove me back..ooh..his car so comfy.
can fall asleep..reali
im not kidding..
he asked if i could sing..think he wants me to be worship leader..
but well..i can't.
i dun sound good.

im excited about going for mission trips..
though i dunno when izzit going to be.
or whether is the church going to have one..
but still..im excited..

//posted by ivy @ 00:15//

Thursday, June 20, 2002

zhongfa wants to know how it looks like for his name to pop up from nowhere..
so well..here it is..

zhongfa

hahha

//posted by ivy @ 01:15//

played drums these 2 days..
ooh..cool..shiok.
so long never touch liao.

eh..muz tell me honestly..
i got improve a not?

well..i think my timing sux..
i can't survive without metronome..
haha

timing comes wif practice....
u r catching on juz fine :)

realli...i dun say this becos i wan u be happy....realli...u r catching on real fine :)
--Zhongfa

well..it's so encouraging to hear that..
thanks

//posted by ivy @ 01:07//

she feels blessed
cos she has him.
she feels loved
cos she has him.

she is glad
that he is there.
she is glad
that he has been there.

she wants to say
thank you.
she wants to say
thank you so much.

she feels blessed
she feels loved
she feels glad
cos she has him.

//posted by ivy @ 00:59//

she feels afraid
she feels worried
she doesn't want to anymore.

she lets it go to Him
she places her trust in Him
she has no choice.

she knows things will be fine
she knows He will take care of her
she knows she is right.

//posted by ivy @ 00:55//

When I sense Your love this hour
And the warmth of Your embrace
I tremble with joy and I give You my heart
When I see Your mighty power
And the fullness of Your grace
I lift my hands, I lift my voice and say

You are my God
My strength and my song
Your majesty I see in holiness
You are my God
My strength and my song
Awesome in praises
Enthroned as the King of Kings

--by Arlene.

eh arlene..
i hope you dun mind me putting your song on my blog.
it's meaningful.
nice!

//posted by ivy @ 00:40//

mentioned so much about loving and caring for each other in cell today.
just wonder how much will be done.?
not that i am pessimistic or what..just really hope that we will step out of our own comfort zone, of our usual clicks.
and look around us and care for others just like Jesus cares for us.
to spread His love just as He loves us with an unconditional love.

//posted by ivy @ 00:08//

should i join crusade or should i not?
i wanted to..but now, things have taken a change.
a rapid turn, too rapid.
too sudden for me to even think.
to think of my next step, my next move.

eric gave me a shock this morning.
at 8. early in the morning before i was even conscious.

cell today was great. though i was stressed.
any idiot can see that..
i thank God for speaking through me.
for speaking to each and every one of them.
it feels weird to share. when i am one of the youngest around.
besides arlene and shuhei..
it feels weirder to share on something so serious..
but i guess things turned out better than expected.
though it was a last minute arrow..quite an accurate one i would say..ha

will be sharing for wed's cell from july onwards.
will be sharing in sun's youth too.
attending discipleship class on sat.
attending arrow ministry training on fri with pastor.
assistant cell leader for wed's cell.
games committee for youth camp.
taking on youth leader for youth fusion.

God, i need Your strength.
You know i can't do all these alone.
help me and guide me, i pray.
amen.

//posted by ivy @ 00:03//

Monday, June 17, 2002

God is in control
Of all things
Of all circumstances

Trust in Him
In all things
In all circumstances

//posted by ivy @ 00:17//

Sunday, June 16, 2002

Dear Lord, this pain inside me
Tears me apart
And Lord the more it hurts
The harder my heart

Oh, in my darkest hour
Your love comes shining through

You say You're here and You calm my fears
And I know You'll never leave.
Your Word is true and You make all things new
And I know You're all I need

Dear Lord, my heart is breaking
Breaking in two
And Lord my spirit's torn and
Crushed without You

Higher than the stars that shine
And deeper than the sea
Is my Savior's precious love
Your love has set me free
Set me free

--Dear Lord by Sonicflood

//posted by ivy @ 23:33//

dun be depressed gal.
God is watching over everything.
i know it sounds clinche..or lame..
but know that it's true.

it's hard to leave things to Him
but it's even harder for Him to leave things to you alone
He wants to take it for you
and carry you through it all

allow Him to carry the burden for you
allow Him to lift you up in His wings
allow Him to heal and touch you
allow Him to hold you and love you.

//posted by ivy @ 22:53//

haven been touching the drum-set for a long time. i miss it..
and im sure it misses me too..hehz.

my pink MD is staring at me now, so cool. i love it. though i spent a bomb on it..
but well, it's so nice, so cool..so pinky..ha.
i need to record more songs now..that's all.
maybe i should record myself playing the drums and guitar one day, then i know how good/terrible i sound.ha.

//posted by ivy @ 22:31//

Monday, June 10, 2002

oh! i juz realized something big!!
i get to play drums tmr!! ha..
but really, lately only drums and guitar make me happy.
i mean, yah..there are other things too..but what gets me excited is those two.
makes me look forward to everyday...

//posted by ivy @ 23:28//

i miss you child
where have you been?
all these while
i've waited here for you
regardless of rain and sun
i've been here
all these while

i love you child
with all my heart
no matter what happens
Daddy will be here
i will never let you go
i give you the best in life
cos i love you my child

//posted by ivy @ 23:07//

went for medical check-up in ntu today
oh man, it was disgusting
oh nvm, shall not go into details..
but oh..i got a nice doctor..Doctor Calvin Tan..ha

anyone jobless out there?
i need a maid..
yah..u din hear wrongly..i need a maid
to..
to..
to..
CLEAN AND PACK UP MY ROOM!!
haha
my room is in a big fat mess. things are everywhere. and my mummy is nagging everyday. but i simply can't find the time to pack up this messy room of mine. ooh..juz realized my 'AO' chinese books are still around..ok, now u know how bad my room is..ha
come lah..i pay you $10 an hour..very high rite?? hehz. [rupiah]

//posted by ivy @ 22:54//

it's almost four
still on the phone
the voices from within
slowly enter into my heart's drive-in

you've told the past
i've said that much
but one thing is the fear inside
that's building up a wall between our sides

i can't imagine what it would feel like to
lose you right now
even if it's just a small hurt
embedded in my heart

you ask me what are we right now?
more than friends or just like that
but i
could only mumble could not speak my mind
oh love is unpredictable
and why must it always end up hurt
oh why
we are held so close but yet so far away

i can only say i wish to try
pray as hard with all my might
let time
be the best proof of what's on our mind
cos love is unpredicatable
nobody likes to end up hurt
and i
don't want to see you ever leave my side

confidence you ask of me
i pick myself back on my feet
and i
could only write this song which speaks my mind

-Unpredictable by zhongfa

//posted by ivy @ 22:45//

Friday, June 07, 2002

it's going to be tough..the roads ahead. i can't see a thing.
everyone seems so distant..
but i guess ultimately, my strength lies in Him.

i am going to take up youth ministry.

//posted by ivy @ 01:14//

i promise i will do this.
i promise i will do that.
sounds familiar?
im sure they do.

many times, i failed U.
many times, i let U down.
many times, i dun trust U.
many times, i blame U.

Through it all, i know
that God is in control.
like the sun, after the rain
His love come shining through
and yes, i know
His love for me
is greater than all my trials
like a child, in His arms
He'll carry me through it all...

//posted by ivy @ 00:56//

i am glad you are feeling betta now..much better i guess.
you sounded bad the day before, yesterday and even today..
i was afraid..i was scared..i was worried but i din tell you.
im glad u told me so much..abt how u felt..at least now i know.

thanks..for everything..since the day i knew you till now..you have been great. serious.

//posted by ivy @ 00:51//

been a long while since i last posted..haven been online for days.
not enough connection time liao..actually wanted to do my admission stuffs now but well..

oohhh!! i got into ntu..business studies somemore..super happy!! Praise God ...

i miss the bass and drums man..i dun think i will like get to touch them till next week lor..so sad.
ALL cos of that si'er lah..brought forward the band prac juz to watch world cup..
wat's so great about world cup?? hmm...*i think lots of ppl out there are waiting to bish bash me up*

im spending bombs on things lately..bought this drum rudiments book from nigel at $28. thinking of buying a metronome (did i spell it correctly? it doesn't matter..) next. and not to forget..MD player..
i can see my $$$ flying away now...*come back..*

//posted by ivy @ 00:47//

Sunday, June 02, 2002

im going to be gross here..haha.
i shall tell you how the brownies came..

melted 230g of butter with lots and lots of chocolate, i put in those chocs bit by bit till the watery butter became so saturated with chocs. then, things got a little harder. those chocs refused to melt anymore so we smashed them up. den we let the sticky, browny, gluely looking thing cool down.
went to mix the sugar and egg together, blend till they were like so ghostly-looking. ha. den we added in the disgusting browny saturated chocs thingy..some browny thing appeared. mix in the flour and the whole lump of stuffs inside the mixer got harder and harder, like some kinda of play-dough. haha. den the hard part came. had to transfer that lumpy brown stuffs into baking trays. tough man. need a lot of arm power to scoop spoonfuls by spoonfuls of those thingy into the trays. ooh..wat was disgusting was to see those lumps sticking onto the spoon and refusing to 'drop' into the tray. haha..gross out?!
yeah..finally all is done. den put into oven and bake for 25 mins and after that....BROWNIES!

yeah..cool man. shiok sia..when the disgusting, 'shitty-looking' lumps of stuffs become brownies after 25 mins of intense heat. haha.

so good-est, u still want??
no regrets huh?

//posted by ivy @ 00:59//

Saturday, June 01, 2002

i wan a MD player but it's so ex. but i still want.
oohh...sonicflood's latest album 'resonate' very nice.

im not making sense in what im typing..who cares?

//posted by ivy @ 23:07//

what a day today...i went to marshe for farewell lunch for my alkaff's frens..den after that, went sac for meeting..but ended up to be discipleship class..den i went to arlene's place to bake brownies..
oh cool...i had so much fun..was like doubting that the gluely gloogy brown stuffs would churn out some nice brownies..hahha. but i guess it turned out fine. i wan to eat...im hungry..

Pastor's teaching today made me think a lot. sometimes i do think that God din invest any minas on me. yeah, i know it's wrong. guess what pastor said today changed a lot of my views. and power sia..din know that he can actually make a lesson out of Luke 14 and Luke 19 on the spot. No wonder he pastor..hehz. *if he sees this, im dead*

youth ministry? sounds like a big fat chuck of load to me. dunno if i can do it.

//posted by ivy @ 22:42//